Square Eyes
Fingermouse was not, as the name suggests, an invitation to indulge in bestiality. It was, contrary to popular belief, a TV show. That said, the whole thing revolved around a guy who spent most of the time with his finger shoved up the arse of some kind of paper animal, so maybe it wasn't half as innocent as we were led to believe.
Here's the deal: each episode, Fingermouse is given a brand spanking new music instrument to play, with just a little bit of help from the owner of the finger, Iain Cullough. After giving us all a recital worthy of nothing less than the London Philharmonic orchestra, Fingermouse ventures out into the wide world for some fun and frolics with all his paper animal pals. There was fox, badger, kingfisher, butterfly, Peter Mandelson, and many more. Sociable little thing, wasn't he?
The best thing about the show was that, despite the fact that it was made in the 1980s, it was truly interactive television years ahead of the digital revolution. At the end of each episode, the viewers were invited to send away for a free fact sheet, which told you how to make your own Fingermouse. Thousands of kids - myself included - sent away and then spent hours pissing off our mums who, of course, had to help us make the bloody things because it was much more difficult than it seemed.
Here's an idea - send a stamped, addressed envelope to this address and see what happens: Fingermouse, BBC TV Centre, Wood Lane, London W12 7RJ. I'd do it myself, but I really can't be arsed!
15th Feb 2001