Marathon woman
Weeks to go 11, 8st 4 (totally inexplicable), miles run 17 (unimpressive), sponsorship running total £84.50
Monday 3 days and no run. Not gd. Not gd at all.
Tuesday 50 mins even. Too exhausted for fartlek. Am suffering from chronic disease manifesting itself in tiredness and persistent phlegm problem. Blame environmental toxins. Car exhaust fumes! What a health hazard to innocent jogger! There's a 'Surfers Against Sewage', so why not runners' equivalent? Must think of witty title... Marathon runners Against Monoxide? Athletes Against Asthma? Hmm, somewhat limited in choice of humorous alliterations.
Wednesday Hereby declare war on automobiles. Evil, gas-guzzling, poison-belching vehicles must die! Bikes, whilst possessing irritating tendency to move faster than self despite lesser effort involved, are environmentally green and therefore friendly. Four wheels bad, two wheels good. Repeat after me...
Thursday Hereby also declare war on Anklesnappers - small dogs who hurl themselves towards you as you run past, dislocating owners' shoulders, in attempt to take bite out of your ankle. It's always the small ones: terriers, poodles and fluff-on-a-string types of indeterminate breed. Speaking from vast experience (several ripped socks), propose that small dogs all so bitter about being bred to have laughably short legs that are pretty useless from a biological point of view, that they feel compelled to take out their insecurities on those fortunate enough to possess longer, craggier ones.
Friday Hereby also declare war on following hazards: slippery cobble stones (rip up that ancient Roman plaza, Marathon Woman is passing through), people who stubbornly refuse to wolf whistle, ice, snow, rain, puddles, mud, doggy-do, wind, fallen leaves, pavement cracks, sets of three man hole covers (if you step on them you get the lurgy, didn't you know?), impenetrable bus stop queues and people with ludicrous amounts of shopping who force you into the road, phlegm, sweat and strong odours (esp. luscious cooking ones as make self hungry).
Saturday Stumble across amusing story on Internet today. Pavarotti, the portly tenor famed for rendition of Nessun Dorma (yes, it's off the football, you uncultured slob), demands to be kept away from 'distinct odours' backstage. A little eccentric, but reasonable nonetheless. If cooking smells make Marathon Woman hungry, just think of effect they'd have on Pavarotti. Decide to enter Reading Half Marathon, apparently the London Marathon 'warm-up' race. Term makes roughly as much sense as 'recovery run' - theory being, presumably, that if can manage 13 miles then can manage 26...but never mind. Despite mediocre mileage total, am well and truly bitten by running bug and cannot shake it off.
Sunday Running partner #2. Name: Katherine. Occupation: torture artist. This girl runs at 7am. Today, tear self out of bed at ungodly hour of 8am to join her. It's Sunday. What is happening to me? Does cragginess come at a price?
Marathon Woman has friends, oh yes. But if you want to be her extra special chum, then email marathonwoman@oxfordstudent.com.
31st Jan 2002