Mummy, why?
Do garibaldi biscuits actually have squashed flies in them?
Of course not, that would be ridiculous. Imagine the costs of squashing that amount of flies and putting them in biscuits. It'd be a practical nightmare. The black bits are actually the eyes of those little men who built things on Fraggle Rock. Once they come to the end of their short lives they are harvested, the bodies being made into 'meat' sausages, the tiny helmets into thimbles and the eyes to the biscuits.
Are some e-numbers fatal?
Well, enough of anything is fatal, frankly. A surfeit of oxygen causes your bottom to explode, a surfeit of water is called drowning. But, yes, the e-numbers found in some cheap confectionary will make you speak in a French accent for about half an hour before dying in agony.
Who was Saint Valentine?
Saint Valentine was from Hounslow originally before moving to quite a nice semi in Bromley. He is patron saint of patio doors and soft furnishings. He suffocated in a particularly deep sofa in 1973, and is now remembered, once a year, by the exchange of cheap gifts from Boots and arguing loudly in restaurants. I miss him.
(Matt Reynolds is away. Again. Tosser.)
14th Feb 2002