The Alternative Oxford English Dictionary
Library Denier... The sort of student who always denies how much work they do. Usually they are the cleverest person in your year. Before every tutorial they'll pretend that they've spent the whole week sleeping and drinking - a patent lie as the library denier rarely has any friends. The library denier is at their peak about five minutes before an exam, when they'll walk around saying "God I'm about to fail this sooo badly, I've done sooo little work, oh GOD!" When they get their results back and turn out to have achieved more marks than were actually available they spend three days telling you what a fluke it was. Real flukes belong to the...
Jamstards... Who get away with everything. These are the people who only revise one thing on the off chance that it will come up and it bloody well does. These are the people who don't hand in essays, giving instead some sort of "oh my computer was stolen by a gang of errant weasels" excuse and not only are believed but will actually have their tutor apologising and promising not quite so heavy a work load. Jamstards are normally very good at bar sports. They never dress up for bops, or if they do it'll either be as 'themselves' or their costume will consist of a small hat. Worse is the...
One Horse Towner... Who has one, dead, rotting horse lying in the middle of the deserted town of their brain and insists upon flogging it at every opportunity. It doesn't matter what subject your tutorial is on, somehow these people will work it back to the same idea they were talking about last week, and the week before. Flabbergasted you sit there in silence, staring at the mould growing in that coffee cup. Very often the one horse towner is also a...
Grin and Tonic... Who are always sharing jokes with your tutor, or 'Tone' as they call him. Bastards.
14th Feb 2002