Mummy, why?
1. Do wine tasters realise how silly they sound? Oh, come on. There is absolutely no way they can really mean things like the wine has a 'whisper of blackberries' or 'a glimmer of oak.' It's either nice red or white, or it's not. That's all there is to it. And there are definitely no 'nutty bouquets.' Silly arses.
2. Does anybody listen to modern jazz? No. The denizens of jazz cafés are all too off it and the musicians are all too far up their own arses for any sound to penetrate that deep. 3. Is porn okay as long as it's French (with subtitles)? Mais oui, monsieur, n'est-ce pas? Ce n'est pas le porno, c'est l'art. C'est une éxpression de l'amour, de la passion. Eh, bien, les soutitres sont très importants parce qu'on se pense vraiment intellectuel, n'est-ce pas? Les films néerlandais, cependant, sont les meilleurs pour les scènes «anales». Bof!
4. Can you really set light to farts? Oh yes. In 1996, my mate Bap had flagon o' Scrump and was trumping like the boogie-woogie bugle boy from company B. So Clubber thought it would be a jolly jape to ignite said anal emissions. Well bugger me, if flames didn't shoot out of his jacksie like Saturn V's propulsion units.
21st Feb 2002