Newsfight!
The new opiate of the masses is the celebrity, the individual who fascinates us for no reason other than their perceived talent. Celebrity has become the new religion, Posh our Virgin Mary, Brian our Jesus and Simon Cowell our Judas. We worship their choice of undergarment as if it were dogma and lap up plastic surgery tips as if it were manna. Sucked into this cultist frenzy, we begin to, for a few seconds , have faith that these newly-born heroes of ours will be immortal, their place in the public psyche seemingly branded into our memories for evermore.
Yet this feeling inevitably fades. For our messiahs are always false and disappear into the far-off heavens, remembered by only those obsessive few. Celebrity culture, unlike the God whom most seem to have lost, is inherently temporary. The fame of celebrities stems not from creativity or for being featured in a calendar of good repute, like FHM or Pirelli, but from simply existing. And for the hugely active society that we live in, this is never sufficient.
Celebrities, especially those borne from reality TV shows or talent contests, provide only a quick fix, a release from the daily rigours of life, when for an hour we can thank our lucky Popstars that we have only three essays due the next day instead of being Naomi Campbell. Previously the work of artists gave us that potent, albeit brief high. However, Charlene from Neighbours is no longer enough; we now yearn to know what is Kylie Minogue and whom does she want. The saddest thing is that we are given another cardboard cut-out instead; the art of being a celebrity has been practised to perfection; the celebrity wedding; the celebrity clothing; the celebrity exclusive interview. However, this new art is more vapid and shallow than Charlene, and whilst we once paid homage to talent, we now hallow the mundane. So next time you see Will on TV try and remember the words of that other God (behold a rare moment of Christian propaganda) and try not to worship false idols.
The recent fervour surrounding television programmes such as Pop Idol, Big Brother and the like are a complete mystery to me. Why would anyone want to sit around watching the lives and careers of other people? It can only indicate that your own life and world is not interesting enough to pay any attention to - and it cannot possibly be that the viewers all come from Milton Keynes or Sheffield. I suppose it acts as escapism for those stuck on such slums, engaged in mind-numbing and degrading work such as manual blue-collar jobs (or worse, estate agents), but surely these people could just turn to drugs or something? That would at least be far less annoying and imposing for the rest of us.
Hardcore socialists (that reminds me, where is Sacha nowadays?) always like to remind us that entertainment such as this is a huge capitalist conspiracy, broadcast to keep the proletariat from turning their mind to the real issues of the day such as the redistribution of wealth. Of course, the fact that most people would rather have a good time than live in a grey world of uniformity and empty shops does not appear to cross their minds. Nevertheless, those who go on to become celebrities seem somewhat prone to abusing their transient positions of popularity, taking advantage of the very hoi polloi from which they have sought to escape. They blag free drinks, jump the queue at all sorts of events and impregnate unsuspecting underage girls with alarming frequency. And yet who are these 'people'? What most of their adoring fans forget is that, at the end of the day, celebrities are blue-collared, working-class types who would still not know the difference between white tie and a morning suit, or when to use a fish knife; they would rather have an Armani suit than one from Savile Row, and dine at the Ritz.
Still, you may be surprised to learn, I say let them continue. They provide the rest of us a huge service, namely that of keeping the infra dig off the street. After all, the residents of councils estates might otherwise start concerning themselves with the real issues in life, and the next thing you know we'll have a democracy and they'll be giving women the vote...
21st Feb 2002