Out of this World!
"Could you just have another go at the 'Fish-Lever' line?" is one of the odder things I said to a friend in the past week. This week, we have been desperately trying to turn a series of scraps of paper with words on into noises. Noises that, we hope, people will find funny.
It started way back last year when Nick Gill and me, Daniel Harkin, bollocksed our way through some sort of interview in Balliol. We were, almost inevitably, suffering hangovers (I, myself, was particularly out of pocket due to being mugged by two hideous crones known as Leander Deeny and Liz Gately). Our proposal was, as follows:
JOURNEY TO THE STARS 2002
4 half-hour episodes of on-going comedy series.
Space ninjas and space pirates in all-out battle to the death.
In the box where it said, "Why will this appeal to listeners?" we wrote:
1. It has pirates in it.
2. It has ninjas in it.
3. Pirates and ninjas are totally sweet.
We didn't hear back for quite some time.
Eventually, a rather apologetic e-mail arrived confirming our slot and Nick and I spent the next six or so months telling everyone we were doing this amazing comedy series on Oxford Student Radio (as it was called then). During that time, we wrote sod all.
Finally, at the end of Michaelmas I was trawling through my emails attempting to differentiate between those of [nonprescom] and those that were important, when I found an e-mail from Adam Richardson, who is linked to the radio station in an indescribable way that we have yet to fully comprehend, which said hurrah the station was happening at last. And that we'd promised them some sort of radio show.
This e-mail had two immediate repercussions. Firstly, it necessitated the re-titling of the programme as it would no longer be broadcast in 2002, and 2003 is a crap number. So, the show became 2000 AD, the year in which every piece of science fiction is set. Ever. Secondly, it caused us to shat ourselves due to the fact that we had, as I've explained above and as is to be expected of us creative-types, written fuck all.
It was at this point that we gave in and asked our immensely funny and talented friend Josie Long to come aboard. I suppose we'd avoided asking her before because she'd make things much funnier than certainly I could have ever done. And we hate her for it. We hate her big multi-talented face.
For the actual recording, we took to the plush studios at Beaumont Buildings and spent a great deal of time, money and effort creating a state-of-the-production technique I like to call soundscaping. What this basically involves is a bunch of people standing around in Nick's bedroom desperately trying not to piss him off by rattling one of the myriad things that adorn his abode, as he sorts out "levels". We then gurn, scream and pretend to be robots into a mike until about two in the morning at which point we are too knackered to do anything else.
Nick graduated last year. This means two things. First, Nick has formed an amazing band called the Monroe Transfer and did a brilliant album for his girlfriend. Second, it means that Nick is a creature of the night, able can stay up to the early hours doing a monotone version of Dido or a bootleg Thong Song only on a diet of human blood. I, conversely, haven't slept for a week. And I'm a vegetarian.
We are still furiously scrambling bits and pieces together to form some sort of coherent piece of radio theatre, just like you and a friend probably do with eggs. It variously includes Leander Deeny being a twat; Kate Fowler being amazing; Nick, Josie and I dicking around; the dulcet tones of Seiriol Davies and Hannah Croft who we found in a skip outside Tom Yorke's house; and factual information about The Doors.
And after the terrible amount of blood-letting, arguments about whether a murderous alien should have a squeaky high-pitched voice, or deep low one, and Jim Wilton making some unfunny lines very funny indeed; I can say just one thing. I hate the radio and everything it stands for, give me Buffy any day. Oh, and I think Nick's bitten me. I don't know what this means.
Journey to the Stars 2000 AD with air Tuesdays at 5.00pm and Sundays at 2.00pm from third week, 87.7FM.
Journey to the Stars, 2000AD
Episode 1: the fearful terror of the deadly death
Nick Gill, Daniel Harkin, Josie Long
So you hate sci-fi. If you love it, then you won't be able to get enough. Well-done spoofs, however, are always great and epic adventure 'Journey to the Stars 2000AD' has cult status even before it's begun. Episode 1, Captain Wolfheart is imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit. He promptly escapes and becomes embroiled in an all-out space battle to the death between the space ninjas and space pirates.
Comedy geniuses Nick, Dan and Josie mix the humour of ridiculousness with irony and more subtle verbal wit. Cheesy synthesised keyboards, dramatic sound effects and catchy songs play-up the atmosphere. Subject your imagination to the Penal Colony with its punishment machine, then get lost in the confusion of the battle between space ninjas and pirates. Creation (at least as this radio programme indicates) doesn't always bring order to chaos, but the show is all the better for it.
If the lines aren't always quite at your pitch and you're uneasy about the writers' states of insanity, then take console in the high quality of production with its slightly raw-edge feel for a homely, comic effect. Enthusiasm and charisma abound through the expressive voices - obviously of supreme important in the audio medium. (More specific point: Wild laughter erupts periodically.)
Oxford Romance Show
Altered Radio has a problem. Gaining a public license increases potential listener figures and promises DJs the hope of Radio 1 contracts, yet at the expense of lack of consistency within programmes. That Sunday mornings is a prime time for families might explain the wide range of music from the past three decades. Jimmy's e-mail impotence problem with its bizarre solution, humorously presented as it is, is thus, inappropriate. The show could be aimed at students if it weren't for the gruff (but classic) tones of Louis Armstrong.
Do you want to remember the night before with tasteful disco beats? While your hangover favours Radiohead, resulting depression might eternally delay the necessary wake up call. Cheesy 70s hits lift the spirits but figure at oddly contrasting points in the play-list. If you switch on at the right time, the music's bound to suit your mood.
Redemption takes the form of DJs Van (girls might want to note the cool American drawl!) and clear-sounding, enthusiastic Alison. They come across admirably genuine as they chat light-heartedly between songs. Listen for Alison's quirky Chinese intros! If your Sunday morning is spent only half under the duvet, you might as well muster the energy to reach for the radio.
23rd Jan 2003