The Art Of Flirting
Tell yourself you're amazing! It's the secret of flirting, of happy relationships, of inner calm and of outward excitement. Only Peta Heskell, professional 'flirt consultant' and head of the London Flirting Academy, can propound such a philosophy without arrogance or emptiness.
Peta Piper certainly picked her pick of pickled peppers when she took her Flirt Workshop to the dregs of Oxford last week, where the desperate, the lonely, the wannabee seduction cliques (and I) gathered to absorb her nectar. Detaching myself from such lowly activities (for I need no basic advice on such superficial and trivial issues), I was initially hostile and unreceptive. Ironically, I was the one to most benefit from her performance. Life is not fair: accept it.
"If you think that learning to flirt means following a few tips on lipstick colour and skirt length, or using lines like 'let me check your label to see if you're made in heaven', ... leave now!", Peta warns as she Mills-and-Boons twiddles her Goldilocks hair and crudely sticks her finger in her mouth. Flirting, she argues, is about relating to other people. It means smiling, striking up a conversation and listening. Match people's speed of delivery, express yourself with body movement. Relax: flirting is a natural mechanism. Babies, for they have no inhibitions, do it best.
"Hello, my name is Laura, and I am a treasure chest of clichés." But if a cliché is true, says Peta, you should use it. "The more we put the positive messages in, the more people will begin to feel good. If it sounds clichéd, too bad. Think of things like 'no use crying over spilt milk'... does that sound trite, clichéd?... of course... fact is it's a truth... fact is: many, many people spend hours crying over spilt milk that's no good to them at all!" Exactly. Peta is passionate and personal. Footballers' Wives meets genuine Jerry Springer.
Far more worrying is Peta's confession that she flirts with children, cats and dogs. You can flirt non-sexually, she explains. "I flirt wildly with my boyfriend's dad and he loves it... we even kiss on the lips... and he says 'she always cheers me up'". I bet he does.
There's also the issue of Valentine's Day: an inevitable subject at this time of the year especially when you're conversing with Nurse Lurve herself. She is fully aware that "Valentine's Day puts a lot of demand on people: being romantic, to be in a relationship... It's just another commercial event which benefits card makers, novelty manufacturers, florists and restaurant owners and flirt coaches who get a lot of PR work and radio interviews around that time!"
Peta would prefer a simple flower to a hundred roses. "I'd rather see someone being supportive and loyal to me and appreciating me for my qualities than going all out to do romantic stuff." It's probably what most of us think but Peta is the expert articulator, realist and optimist. "It's still nice to get presents from time to time!", she laughs. Her thought-band is universal: innovative or pointless, should we petition for her suggestion to create a non-Valentine's Day for content single people? (Do we not already have 364 of these: namely, the rest of the year?)
If you've got the attitude (like Peta, of course), you can get away with behaviour that extends the boundaries of friendship to its elastic limits. You must believe in both yourself and other people. "Everyone is special", she professes most whole-heartedly. "Everyone has something magical... it's just a case of allowing yourself to blossom as yourself not as a carbon or poor copy of what they think they ought to be." Peta describes herself as "sparkly, energetic, outrageous and funny". Yet she admits that even she sometimes gets depressed and has qualities to work on: "I don't think I'm a guru, because I ain't".
Peta is like one of those Smartie Easter eggs: sweet on the outside, with the hollowness of Gilderoy Lockhart filled with little coloured chocolates of experience, scrutinised proverbs and intellect. I am either jealous or in love.
6th Feb 2003