Celebrity Death Match
It was a cold day whence Marcus "the loon" Walker perched his firm behind in the Randolph, tranquily musing over his recent hust at OUSU council over a lemon tea. As he sipped his beverage, Walker heard a distant noise in the shadowy corner of that placid tea room, and so, carefully placing his cup on its saucer, he turned, noticing that it was not the quarrelsome Alithstair Richardson of Teddy Hall, but William "the younger and spottier" Straw, the apotheosis of all his childhood fears.
Tossing his porcelain cup to one side, Walker donned his magical pink tutu, to do battle with his life long nemesis Straw the ever living.
Having been earlier defeated by Lyndsay the indifferent and incompetent Lomax, Walker knew of Straws' evil wide eyed stare: daring not to look into his gyrating eyes for fear of being turned to stone. However, Straw in his heart of all hearts knew that this would be no pushover, as Walker could launch at any moment with his special move: Proctorisation.
Straw stood to the left, behind him his army of "the OUSU clique", with Walker to the right, frilling his magical pink tutu.
As quick as a flash, Marcus propelled himself through the air, thrusting his whale-like body towards his adversary, his spear in one hand and his safety blanket in the other. Straw fired several rounds of F&F flyers in Walkers direction: Walker feeling the pain of the moment yelped squeals of suffering pleading for mercy. Straw, being duped by Walker's false overtures attempted to bridge the gap between Marcus and himself with a reverent hug. Walker stabbed him in the back and conquered OUSU. The end.
27th Feb 2003