Where are Oxford's WMD?
Ladbrokes are offering odds of 10,000/1 that Weapons of Mass Destruction will be discovered in Oxford University.
Sensing a scandal, The OxStu decided to delve into the dirty underworld of weapons dealings.
In response to the question "Do you have any Weapons of Mass Destruction?", a member of the Material Science department told The OxStu: "I'm not actually the receptionist so I can't really answer that question..."
What about the Chemistry labs? Chemical warheads perhaps? Apparently not: "Hah! I wouldn't think so", whilst a Physics academic also tersely emphasised, "I'm very busy, I have to go now," before hanging up.
Readers not adverse to placing the odd bet here and there may be disappointed to learn that the American Rothermere Institute also denied stockpiling WMD. When asked whether they would consider betting given the favourable odds, all indications of mirth from the (American) employee vanished: "Not with Institute funds - that would be inappropriate."
Staff at the Bodleian worryingly admitted to not "having a clue" as to whether the library is harbouring a secret stash of WMD in its underground vaults, so The OxStu decided to follow up a tip-off about All Souls. A fellow journalist - admittedly one of notoriously shady character - had circulated rumours that the college has "the second largest wine cellars in the country." The question of whether any of the college's research fellows were involved in developing WMDs elicited a negative response from the All Souls Lodge, and occasioned the transfer of our enquiry to the Fellows' Secretary:
"Do you have weapons of mass destruction at All Souls?"
"I doubt it. Where do you think we would be hiding them?"
This appeared a fortuitous occasion to dangle the wine cellars into the conversation.
But no...
"Do you think someone's leading you up the garden path?"
(...Or even, indeed, just around the quad?)
The creator of the "novelty bet" divulged to The OxStu that, as yet, just one lone punter has gambled on the odds. With a meagre £1 at stake, he stands to pocket £10,000, should nuclear warheads be found nestling beneath a musty edition of Livy in the depths of the Bodleian Library stacks.
So what were the views of the Press Office on the matter? "We are confident that Oxford Student readers would be better spending their money in other ways", an official University spokesperson stated.
Perhaps on betting that Prince William gets a First, odds at 6-1? Maybe the WMD are a safer bet...
3rd Apr 2004