Healing OUCA’s divides
As an upstanding, proud, committed but irrelevant member of the Oxford University Conservative Association; I, the Honourable Aubrey Saxby-Rumpole of Crippen’s College Oxford, am deeply disturbed by the protracted and divisive “Light Side versus Dark Side” OUCA split. Although divisive, the split is minor and can be overcome; however, it will need one great man to lead his beloved Association out of the valley of the shadow and into the sunlight uplands of peace and prosperity.
I am that one man. I can appeal to both sides of this split. I am the heir to a peerage (Viscount Barking) and I enjoy vintage port in moderation; in those regards, I appeal to the “Dark Side”. Despite my Ampleforth education and the fact that I own half of Northumberland, I enjoy a modern lifestyle. Although I should point out, in view of Mr. Kennedy’s recent political demise, that I’m not an alcoholic, I’m merely a bon viveur. In that sense I am a “Light side” Tory.
I am very proud to be a member of OUCA and I want to end society’s divisions. Divisions are, one might say, divisive. We as Conservatives don’t want to be like the Lib Dems anymore than we are already, all that social justice crap is quite enough; I implore OUCA to abandon its Star Wars inspired divisions.
In view of how important we are, one must ask: is it sensible to be so closely associated with an iconic but crass series of films, devoid of any intellectual or artistic merit? I think not. What do our divisions amount to? Why do they matter? The so-called “Dark Side” believe in traditional values, they enjoy vintage port, enjoy solitude, refinement and the films of Ingmar Bergmann. As a consequence of their suburban or Sloane Square upbringing (both of which are extremely unfortunate.
Naturally my thoughts are with them and their families.) The “Light side” enjoy witty, erudite and aspiring society, in addition to their love of golf, money, reality television and St. Tropez, or Lanzarote, for those who are not very wealthy or have been brought up in a casual and lacklustre manner. Let us put these divisions aside. Let us co-exist. The Conservative’s are no longer the “nasty party”: New Labour stole our policies and the Liberal Democrats have stolen our image.
In the words of Conservatism’s greatest supporter (Anthony Blair), “We must move on.” OUCA should follow the example of Dave “St Cool” Cameron and his Compassionate Revolution, which will prove to be the October Revolution of its day. Compassion is all the rage, and no matter how hard it might be, we at OUCA must, to quote Hitler, “hold our noses” and become really compassionate and modern.
I want to see OUCA standing for free market economics, compassion, protection of the privileged, social mobility, compassion, open education, tuition fees, compassion, free healthcare, choice, private sector involvement, compassion, small government, traditional family values, compassion, the protection of property, the protection of the environment, photo-opportunities, compassion, newspaper headlines, sound-bites and, compassion.
That is modern Conservatism; and I think that OUCA and any floating voters should embrace it.
12th Jan 2005