Holiday hacks
The Christmas break is normally a quiet time in the Oxford politico world. OUCA members are enjoying champagne cocktail parties in their country houses after a day of country sports, the Labour Club are ‘keeping it real’ with mince pies and beer ‘down the pub’ after a day of town sports. The Liberals’ ‘seasonal message’ jovially reminds everyone that Christmas should be a time when you can drink as much as you like since the repercussions will hang over until the new year.
Meanwhile, around the corner in the dark echelons of Frewin Court, the Union machine continues to hum, largely because nobody has discovered the ‘off’ switch for the last 200 years. The meat grinding never ends. Meanwhile the last three Presidents were probably cooking sausages of a very different type over a romantic camp fire in Botswana. They do make a very unlikely threesome.
Rather than Christmas cards, OUSU sabs prefer to send out detailed emails informing the largely apathetic executive of their holiday time. However this time this somewhat overlooked the looming issue that someone had not used the OUSU abacus (because a calculator cannot be recycled, of course) correctly the previous year.
It is already the start of the OUSU January sale • £70,000 slashed off the budget • everything must go! Up for grabs are Student Union branded goods, including the van (£4000), water cooler (£650) and Bicester Refugee Support (£60), all of which will soon be appearing at an auction house near you. Furthermore, experts are being drawn in to glean whatever funds they can from Oxford students.
One such individual is Ian Bartlett, a former university warden, who has so far managed to commit 115 burglaries across Oxford. With his help OUSU will be back in the black by the end of term. Rumours are rife that the Sabbatical Officers are also propping up the funding shortfall by exchanging roles with those loitering around Bonn Square and are now selling the £3000 OUSU Newsletter under the new name of Big Issue.
Although there has been no change in content just yet, further transformation is expected soon: will it become the Oxford Socialist Worker’s Newsletter or a booklet full of employment opportunities at Investment Banks? We can only wait with bated breath, but we‘re pleased that we’ll still see the magazine sold by unshaven layabouts.
19th Jan 2006