Face to Face - The final curtain
It’s stolen hearts and snatched virginities. Made men out of boys and reduced hardened cynics into a pool of soppy, sentimental mush. It prompted no less than two letters of complaint and was rumoured in some quarters to have had a heavy infl uence on the outcome of the Jamaican presidential elections. Above all, it brought light into the lives of Oxford students where previously there was only darkness, pain and a succession of dodgy curries.
But like all great institutions, the triumph of triviality that was ‘Face to Face’ must now come to an end, leaving matchmaking in the hands of younger, fresher and, quite frankly, uglier people. Yet as we bid farewell to the only student newspaper column ever to be the subject of an emergency debate in the House of Lords (allegedly), it would only be right to look back at the people who made it happen: the colourful, controversial and often downright terrifying datees.
In one final tribute to them, Face to Face presents a run-down of how our 14 intrepid singletons coped with the fame that the OxStu brought them - and finds out whether any of our seven couples are still together...
TOM AND LEILA
“I came out reasonably well so I was happy,” said Tom, reflecting on the proud moment when first laid eyes on the article.
“My friends did take the piss but luckily there wasn’t too much in the article that they could really take the piss out of,” he noted. No such luck for Leila: “Lots of people pointed out how my date was made out to be the intellectual, and I, with quotes like ‘abso-fucking-lutely’ was pretty far from it!” So have her and Tom kept the fi res burning? “Thankfully my love life is now blooming, although not with any OxStu related people, so no,” said Leila.
“I doubt we’ll meet up next term,” agreed Tom.
Match made? A subdued 3/10
ALEX AND CIARAN
No such tranquillity for Alex ‘picture of modesty’ Toogood when he read the column: “I immediately skipped to what she had written about me and was satisfi ed that she hadn’t completely slated me - unlike Jack!” Both dates were given an inkling of what it’s like to be a superstar following publication.
“It was funny going down to the JCR and seeing everyone reading the article; my friends all wanted to do it too after that so it can’t have been that bad,” said Ciaran, whilst Alex bashfully admits to having been “recognised by a few drunk people in the Bridge and Filth”. Apart from bumping into each other a few times, the pair have not stayed in touch, although both would apparently be happy to do a blind date again.
Match made? A minor 5/10
CHARLIE AND KRISTINA
Perhaps angered by references made to his striking attire and equally striking style of prose, Charlie declined to talk to the press, leaving Kristina to eagerly reveal what happened next: “The column made me out to be a tad too loveable,” she sighed. “The novelty has worn off now and the whole thing is long forgotten, though some odd jokes about it do still surface now and again.
Unfortunately, Jack did not manage to fi nd the love of my life but Charlie is a great guy and I still see him now and again. So the whole experience wasn’t that bad and I might even consider going on a blind date again (though probably without it being published in a newspaper!).
Match made? A promising 6/10
CHRIS AND CAT
“Reading the column was an immense pleasure,” mused Chris, who even issued a salvo of praise to the ePimp, noting, “The unparalleled wit of Jack Shenker Esq.
doubtless stole the hearts of all the beauties featured thus far.” He lamented the printing error that gave the impression that Chris considered Cat to be about as attractive as Wayne Rooney on an off-day, but admitted to having put some of Cat’s comments about him on his Facebook wall.
For Cat, meanwhile, the column prompted some tough self-analysis: “I liked the column, especially the scathing yet accurate portrayal of my home town, Liss, although reading my own answers made me aware of how shallow I really am!” But despite references to illicit tonsil hockey by Chris, Cat insists that the relationship between the pair is in a dormant stage right now: “My research project write up is the closest thing I have to an attachment at the moment.
Matchmade? A slippery 6/10
JAMES AND KAT
Sadly for Kat, the consequences of featuring in Face to Face were far from pleasurable: “The column was quite funny but I was drunkenly told by my cousin in The Bridge the other night that I was ‘one level above a whore’. Some people in college even pidged the article to my tutor as an example of my extracurricular activities.” For James, the experience has been less catastrophic.
“All my mates noticed when the column came out, most took the piss and found it hilarious. “I wasn’t quite a celebrity, but found what was written about me amusing and didn’t regret doing it in the slightest.” But wedding bells won’t be ringing quite yet: “I saw Kat in Hertford once but didn’t chat to her, and we haven’t been in contact since,” he said romantically.
That’s not to say the blind date hasn’t had an impact on James’ future though; he now wants to be an ePimp when he graduates.
Matchmade? A frosty 4/10
ANDREW AND HARRY
The column’s first and last gay couple hit it off straight away and there was even some mouth-watering talk of a second date.
“My friends at LMH loved the article; I didn’t expect overnight celebrity status, but I did get a few drunken advances from random people screaming ‘You’re the Yankee Facebook guy!’“ Harry’s reaction wasn’t quite in the same league: “Due to a chest infection I had to go home before I could bask in the temporary fame of being an OxStu celebrity. Such tragedy…” he sighed.
But did they manage to overcome the rest of the heterosexual frigidity that pervaded ‘Face to Face’ this term? “I’m not one to kiss and tell,” says Andrew. Luckily for us, Harry is! “We’re now seeing each other,” he confi rmed, marking a rare triumph in the Face to Face matchmaking annals and guaranteeing the OxStu a nomination at this year’s student media ‘diversity’ awards.
Matchmade? A towering 9/10
DAN AND ALIX
Our Labour Club/OUCA rivals managed to put their political differences behind them on the date and even admitted to a passionate kiss on Magdalen Bridge on the way home. So what happened next? “Dan omitted to mention several crucial details about our night together,” said Alix regretfully. “He admitted we continued the date back to Keble but failed to mention that he invited me back to his room to view his ‘oak pannelling’...
I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.” Ever the politician, Dan has refused to confi rm or deny the claim, instead focusing on the newfound fame Face to Face has brought him. “I even have a Facebook society devoted to me now, based on the comments from the column,” he beamed. For Alix, Face to Face has marked the start of a new period of domesticity in her love life.
“Before the date I was working my way through the Union, Blues rowing crew and the Keble thirds football team, but things are pretty settled now,” she observed.
Matchmade? A thrusting 7/10.
2nd Mar 2006