Freshers Week Fallout
Private Lives
Columns: Matriculation
Matriculation is a funny old thing. At the time you hardly even notice, staggering drunkenly into the Sheldonian at 7.30 in the morning to perform Mexican waves until a man with a bowler hat tells you to settle down. Yet it soon becomes a moment to treasure. It might be a complete waste of time to make everyone troop through town in their sub-fusc (which is optional), but donning your Shepherd & Woodward cloak for the day does have its benefits....
Columns: columninches
I moved with a fast set when I was fourteen. God, we were crazy. We went to parties, we drank cider, some of us passed out in pools of vomit, while others danced provocatively and played Aerosmith at full volume on the stereo. And everyone smoked. Simply everyone. Well, darling, it was the thing: we were into trashy Americano chic, and a ten-pack of Marlboro Lights was just the status symbol. It said, 'I am in charge.' It said, 'I am cool.' It said, 'I know about sex. And not just the biology-lesson type, but the whole, sweaty, p.24-of-the-Karma-Sutra kind, because I am a woman, baby.'...
Columns: Wise Words
In 1987, Bodycount, the American Christian folk band fronted by Ice "Gorblimey" T, released an album which contained the song "Evil Dick". Lyrically imaginative, it contained the refrain "evil dick, don't sleep alone, don't sleep alone". Whether Mr T aimed primarily to puncture contemporary social mores or simply have an excuse to get his errant whacker out on MTV was unclear, but he did have a point. Men, even great men, are not driven by the desire for truth or justice, but for an altogether less noble priority. This is not to say that every man is a potential rapist of course. Rape requires the ability to maintain an erection, after all. But however deep beneath the surface, beyond the Renaissance paintings and romantic poetry, lies about two billion dirty macs with rapidly deteriorating eyesight....
Columns: Retro-fit
Anyone who went through their childhood during the mid-1980's will remember the Transformers. The ultimate excuse to spend your parents' money on cool plastic toys, which transformed into cars, planes and (gasp) even audio cassettes.