Born to do it
Fuck. An extremely versatile noun, verb and adjective. It's use in Oxford is, more often than not, sadly limited to expositions concerning that unfinished essay. This sad misuse is much in need of rectifying, as is our sorry performance record. With one of the highest virgin counts in the country, it may well be said that Oxford is teeming with fine upstanding youths. For those of us who prefer to go the horizontal mile, this fact can prove frustrating to say the least. If you've just arrived in our fair city keen to test the resilience of your squeaky, minuscule college bed, disappointment may well be in the air. Fresher's week should be the ideal opportunity to lose your v-plates or take someone else's. Why not imitate a less conservative place of study and play fuck-a-fresher, whether you are one or not? After all, variety is the spice of life, and there are few less work-ridden moments to lose some sleep all term....
Columns: Jack in the ox...
1. The fact that it's two days long
Columns: Gastronomic Tour of the Globe
By Pete Harris. I didn't have to walk far in Tokyo before my stomach started to complain that it had had enough of the the big sweaty metropolis with its neon glare and screaming spires and craved some wholesome Japanese nosh. As I weaved my way along the Ginza area, a clean and new supersize version of Oxford Street, I was able to contemplate the vast potential for eating pleasure....
Columns: Feminine potential
Often, in the few months of a damp English summer when Parliament isn't doing anything interesting, the British media becomes desperate for news: the long eared rabbit that survived in a tumbledryer, the scandalous activities of British tourists, and the PM's new haircut. In August of this year the media found a new scare to leap on, with headlines such as "Boys are failing," "The problems facing young men," "The importance of shrinking the gender gap." The cause of this? Teenage girls, for the first time had outperformed their male counterparts at A-level, even in traditionally male dominated subjects such as maths and science, and had maintained a 10% lead over boys at GCSE. Panic ensued. David Blunkett delivered a keynote speech on the importance of encouraging boys to succeed, while individuals such as John Dunford, speaking for the Secondary Headteacher's Association, warned that "if secondary schools are to narrow the gender gap, then class sizes must be reduced."...
Columns: A thoughtful return
Heathrow. Noise. People. Lift. Down. Bored faces, anguished twitches, overloaded travellers - that will be me. Lift. Up. English. Latins. International. Strange how in this little metal box, you actually get a pretty good idea of the cultural diversity that the world holds. A rich microcosm enclosed in cheap steel. Out. Central Bus Station. I struggle along to the buses. Oxford Link. Queue. Shit. Tired. Really not in the mood to wait. Pick a victim. Male. In front. Found-an honourable US citizen, obviously new to the place: he's griping his pillow. Smile. "Excuse me, does this bus go to Oxford?" Men love to feel needed. How sweet. He lets me infront of him....