Ask Ruby
Dear Ruby, I hope you can read this letter, because I?m finding it very difficult to write in this position. Me and my girlfriend were having a great shag, but then we finished and found that we were totally stuck together. We?ve got much closer since it happened last week, but I don?t want to be stuck in her forever. Has this ever happened to you? Love Ally and Sally Exeter I?m afraid I can?t do much from here, short of coming round and pulling you apart. I suggest you call a doctor, and endure the necessary embarassment rather than waiting any longer in your current position. You could try having another shag and see if separating becomes easier with moisture. I seriously doubt you?ll be stuck together forever, but you never know, you may come round to the idea if all else fails.
Ruby, I really need your help. I?ve fallen in love with a Fresher at my college, but she doesn?t seem to notice me. In fact, she walked right into me and claimed that I wasn?t EVEN THERE! Am I invisible? Please help me. Anonymous Pembroke I?m sure that in the short space of time since term started, you haven?t fallen in love. If she?s not interested, there will be plenty more nubile young things who are, so I strongly suggest you go forth and take advantage of their keeness to learn. It seems unlikely that you are actually invisible. Maybe your object of desire is very short-sighted, or maybe she?s so scared of men that she?s in denial not just of your affection, but of your existence. In a few shags time, you?ll have forgotten her name.
26th Oct 2000