Wipe That Quirke Off Your Page

By Unknown Author

Sir,

Having arrived as a Fresher, reading Classics,

I was disturbed to find that an older member

of my college, reading my subject, was in fact

one of the most drunken and offensive people

I have ever met in my life.

Although I live in one of the most dangerous

areas of Manchester, I have never yet encountered someone so thoroughly despicable as Keiron Quirke, and hopefully never will again. Despite my ethos that no-one is deserving of my contempt, I nevertheless find that this particular individual is awful both in looks and countenance.

Yours sincerely,

John Staples

Other fans of Mr.Quirke will be delighted to note that he writes a

spectacularly unfunny column in the Cherwell. But then that's a tautology

isn't it...

26th Oct 2000