5 Dumbest Things People Wrote About The OxStu

By Unknown Author

'The OxStu Has A Tawdry Tabloid Style'

Yes. And back in the 16th century when the word 'tawdry' was last used... A real classic this one, coming as it does from someone who is most famous for lying and running around LMH quad with his trousers down. But, you see, this is exactly what's wrong with the interview procedure. It weeds out Northern Comprehensive schoolgirls and yet seems to let in people called Theopold who use words like 'tawdry' in everyday conversation - eg. 'How was the party last night?' 'Hmm, it was a tawdry, tawdry affair and yet we japed until yonder thrixpebble didst arise young coxswain'. Twat.

'I find your completely biased approach to the University Police unacceptable'

Not really a question of bias, this one. More a case of having the ability to identify crapness. You see, the Uni police are crap. They would find it quite remarkably hard to organise a all-female choir in a nunnery without causing someone unnecessary harm for no apparent reason.

'An Elite University Deserves An Elite Newspaper'

Yes. And universities with an exaggerated sense of their own importance and an entrance procedure that values bullshitting and the ability to appear intellectual over actual ability and genuine intelligence deserve a newspaper which... Oh, hold on we've already got one.

'The OxStu Sinks As The Cherwell Rises'

Yes. And so does hot air. There are very few things in life more tragic than newspapers who need to inform their readership on the front page that they're not shit. Particularly when the fact that the newspaper in question contains a column written by Kieron Quirke, is a clear admission of the opposite.

'You clearly have a left-wing agenda'

Ouch. The claws were clearly out when someone came up with this gem. You can just see the thought process - "How can I really hurt the OxStu staff? I know, I know, I'll call them left-wing. They'll probably cry for days and repent all their actions." Or maybe, we might just think that you're a sad Tory twat. Tough call...

23rd Nov 2000