War!
Following Oriel's kidnapping of Magdalen JCR President Jonty Oliff-Cooper last week in the 'Great War of Ahmed', revenge has taken place this week with the stealing of Oscar, Oriel's pet tortoise.
War was made official between the two colleges after a conflict regarding domination of kebab van Ahmed's, with Oliff-Cooper forced to sign a surrender giving Oriel full control over the popular post-club venue.
This week Adam Reid, Oriel's JCR President, and Marcus Walker, Oxford Union President and leader of the college's war effort, were sent two ultimatums from Magdalen's "avengers of Ahmed". The first demanded that Walker declare Oliff-Cooper's surrender void, or else the tortoise would be given to Pembroke Boat Club. The second threatened to sell Oscar on e-bay if demands were not met.
Mohammed Khuram, appointed as Oriel JCR's war representative, told The OxStu: "Following the unilateral surrender by Magdalen last week at Oriel, this attack is most dishonourable. We give Magdalen a final chance to advocate the total cessation of violence and take up peace, as they had signed for."
13th Nov 2003