Ashamed of saying 'Oxford'
It was seven in the morning and I was standing in a queue waiting to get on a coach at Victoria station, chatting groggily to the man in front of me. "You're a student are you?" he asked, and as I answered "yes" I could already see the next question forming on his lips. "Which university do you go to?" That dreaded question had reared its ugly head again. I mumbled the 'O' word, cringing as I did so. To my surprise his response was "Brookes?" It was a split-second decision, and I went with the easy option: "Yes, I go to Oxford Brookes", I said. I lied.
What is it about admitting that I go to Oxford that brings me out in a cold sweat? After all, I've worked hard to be here, I got the grades, blagged my way through the interview process, and I churn out essay after essay, week after week in the hope that no-one will show me the door before the three years are up. But that's part of the problem: as soon as you tell someone that you are an Oxford student, the elitist image of this institution seems to throw a barrier up between you. Say "Oxford", and people think of toffs, tea and tweed.
Then there is the College issue. People always seem to feel obliged to ask which college I'm at, resulting in an uncomfortable silence when I reply "Wadham" which no-one outside of Oxford has ever heard of. Even my course, PPE, is a minefield. I mean, philosophy, can you get any more pretentious? I can count on one hand the number of times that someone has said "Oh, you read philosophy? What did you think of Wittgenstein's blue book?" In fact, I don't think it would surprise you to hear that I've never had a response like this.
At least if I went to the LSE (my second choice), people would think I was a bit of a bohemian maverick type, after all it's full of left-wing radicals, and Mick Jagger went there. The closest thing Oxford has to Rock-Star Alumni is Tony Blair, a third rate Jagger Wannabe in his student days. Other than that it's Tolkein and William Hague, doing their bit to confirm our nerdish credentials. If I could claim to be studying at one of the Red Brick Universities, Bristol for instance, people would still be impressed at my academic prowess, but they wouldn't make that embarrassing "oooooh!" noise that often greets an honest answer. Hell, I'd almost be willing to sacrifice all pride and claim membership of my local uni, Thames Valley, which is bottom of every league table in existence.
I do realise that I have to get over this. It won't end when I graduate; the question will be asked at dinner parties for the rest of my life, and if I go on telling people I go to Brookes, this rather bizarre lie will undoubtedly catch up with me. So unless I want to spend the rest of my life solely among other Oxbridge graduates, a prospect that I think I can resist, I'll have to learn to stand up and proudly say: "I went to Oxford University, (PS I'm not a snob)".
18th Nov 2004