Corpus JCR to reward ‘Master of Thievery’
The Corpus 'Pelican'
Instances of thievery are on the up in Oxford, largely thanks to the efforts of a small college on Merton Street. Students from Corpus Christi have carried out a stealing spree, adding to their already extensive collection of items taken from other colleges. Last Wednesday, a small stone sundial piece was found next to Corpus’ pelican sundial with a note saying “this is Christ Church’s pathetic sundial. How lame it looks next to our pelican. Long live the pelican.
The note was signed “long live the Guild of Thieves”; a reference to the secretive group of Corpus students whose aim is to steal items from other colleges. An Oriel toilet brush and bar stool are reputed to be amongst the most recent acquisitions, and Corpus JCR plans to award the title ‘Master of Thievery’ to the student who steals the most expensive or impressive object from another college by Sunday of 5th Week.
Christ Church JCR President Will Dorsey said “Who’s Corpus? Oh yes, they’re the thieving pikies,” but said that his college would not be taking revenge. Corpus college authorities seem unconcerned by their students’ dodgy dealings, saying that “this is a student matter, so we know little of that”. The nefariousness began as a JCR motion asking to distinguish between Hertford’s and Corpus’ territory.
“We were lamenting the loss of our JCR Warlord after the previous one graduated this summer,” said JCR President Dave Holtam. “The master of thieves title just got added as an amendment.” The desire to mark out the colleges’ prowling grounds came after Hertford freshers were seen wearing Deloitte t-shirts near Corpus, resulting in accusations of corporate whoring. An agreement was signed to prevent future encroachment.
The boundary is marked along the southern side of the High Street; a move designed to allow Corpus students to continue visiting Ahmed’s kebab van. The territorial demarcation follows an ancient college tradition of land accumulation. Corpus President Sir Tim Lankester noted that “Our Founder, R Foxe, did manage a fast one on Merton in 1513 or thereabouts in acquiring the land for the college, though it wasn’t exactly theft.”
3rd Nov 2005