‘If I only had a lousy little grand, I could be a millionaire...’
A man who, for reasons known only to him, calls himself ‘Catman’ wrote recently in Poker Pro that Oxford was at the centre of a “student poker revolution”. More people are playing poker in England and at English universities, either online or at live events, than ever before. ‘Catman’, however, did not explain what constitutes this “revolution”. Poker is not new to England, to Oxford or to universities.
Queen Victoria herself created a set of poker rules and played avidly to pass the eons of time that lay between her husband’s death and her own. Live poker is organised more and more across the country, and in Oxford in particular.
Quiet, informal, ‘crap games’ (incidentally, this is in fact the correct term, not mere vulgarity) between friends playing for a £5 pot are now a rarity, having been replaced by largescale events where hundreds of people play for thousands, even hundreds of thousands, of pounds. Live poker in Europe has become ‘Americanized’: it has taken on a professional, rather than an intimate character.
The fact that there are now newspapers devoted to poker, like the one in which ‘Catman’ talks of a “Poker Industry”, is evidence enough that poker has developed into an organisation. Oxford has indeed been integral to this development. To this process the creation of a University Poker Society in 2003 was crucial. The UPS is an exclusive organisation that takes itself disproportionately seriously. Contacting the society via the internet is difficult.
It did not concern itself with the recent Union poker night; indeed, its President and Vice President were allegedly offended by the Union’s suggestion that they attend the event as croupiers. And the society’s members create absurd ‘Poker Names’ for themselves: ‘Samurai’, ‘The Moose’ and ‘Damage’ being among them. For all its posturing, the society is responsible for creating the University Poker Forum and the annual Oxford Cup, a major national event.
The last Oxford Cup was the biggest live poker game Britain had ever seen. Such is the prestige of the event, and of the University, that its organiser, Eric Engler, attracted a number of professional poker players. Among the ‘pros’ was the majestically named ‘El Blondie’, who despite his exotic name is in fact a native of Carmarthen, South Wales. ‘Catman’ must be right in saying that Oxford is at the heart of the live poker ‘revolution’.
Phil Hellmuth, an American, attended an Oxford event in 2003. Hellmuth is one of the world’s foremost professional poker players - and foremost egos. Known as the ‘Poker Brat’, his outbursts at live events are legendary. This McEnroe of poker once proclaimed, “If luck weren’t involved I guess I’d win every time”. On another occasion, an opponent was greeted by Hellmuth screaming, “You don’t even know the fucking rules”.
These outbursts, and over $8 million in career winnings, have earned Hellmuth notoriety. Hellmuth is a brand and many professionals have followed his lead; Dave ‘Devilfish’ Ulliot has created a brand for himself built upon his past as a mobster in, wait for it… Hull (second only to Benidorm as the crappest place to be an underworld hood). Dave himself favours orange-tinted prescription sunglasses and knuckleduster rings with ‘Devil’ and ‘Fish’ engraved on them.
Look him up on Wikipedia. Image is everything to the poker revolution. One former UPS hotshot, Doug Speed, wrote that “people are basing their games on celebrity players… becoming aggressive players”. Eric Engler, a former president of the society, agrees. He said, “It’s played for image-building and kudos. Image is everything, and Oxford is to the poker revolution what Bayreuth was to the Nazis, then is there a Hellmuth in Oxford? One candidate is Vadim Varvarin, the infamous Bolly-at-The Bridge host and Lawn Tennis aficionado, who is a regular high roller at the town’s poker tables. He won £180 at the University Poker League’s £500 Freeroll stakes in Oxford last May.
Needless to say, he is not in the same league as Hellmuth, both as a player or as a notorious celebrity, but give him time: he is, in one anonymous man’s estimation, “if not the best player in Oxford, then certainly the most extravagant”. This egotistical and aggressive play rife among Oxford’s poker players is evident in the testimony of croupiers at the Union Poker Night.
One croupier said he was taunted “by some very severe beef” for failing to remove the Jokers from the deck of cards. Another rather forceful croupier told a particularly cantankerous contestant “not to speak to me in that tone”. The Union usually expects to make a loss at social events, but its poker night proved an exception despite a substantial pot, free whiskey, cigars and cigarettes.
It seems that even an informal event, such as that at the Union, is not immune to poker’s recent change in character. Commerciality and bravado are all: such is the power of the branded image. Yet even the ignominious Hellmuth has a softer side. He keeps an internet diary, recounting the most mundane of his domestic activities. One entry notes, “I wore an Italian Tuxedo: the one I wore on FSN Thanksgiving Day $120,000 buy-in held in Monte Carlo.
My sons laughed at my white scarf and shamed me out of wearing it. My wife wouldn’t let me wear my sunglasses! Ah family support.” If you are an amateur player in Oxford who copies the branded images of successful poker players, do so completely. Tell your opponents that they don’t know the rules, call them all manner of expletives and then regale them with touching anecdotes of domesticity and good-natured family jibes. Poker, no matter how commercial, remains a game of luck and bluff.
The trick? Throwing the opposition off-balance with a lethal combination of charm, hostility and some mismatch head-wear
2nd Nov 2006