scope
Taken literally...
There have been more problems at Nottingham Trent University. As you may remember from last week, Athletics Union T-shirts bearing a picture of 2 elephants indulging their carnal urges and the legend "Get F**ked at Clubbered" were confiscated by university officials after they received complaints. It has now emerged that there was a sharp increase last term in the incidence of both STDs and unplanned pregnancies, according to the figures of the university's Medical Centre. In a statement that clearly went through numerous drafts and much agonizing over the precise wording to use, the centre expressed the highly original view that the media were to blame, and went on to complain that the students are "very laid back".
Belfast welcomes wall
Queen's University Belfast recently became the first place outside the US to play host to a replica of the Vietnam Wall, the 500 ft long chevron-shaped memorial to the 58 000 US servicemen who died in the Vietnam War. The wall replica was the centrepiece of a series of lectures on both the war in Vietnam and the current problems of Northern Ireland. The presence of the wall in Belfast was welcomed by many figures, including Mary McAleese, the President of the Republic of Ireland, and David Alderdice, the Lord Mayor of Belfast. Some have suggested that it could act as a catalyst for the healing of the wounds of the Troubles, or as a model for a similar monument in Belfast; however, others have pointed to the very biased portrayal of the war given by the wall, with no mention of the estimated 2 million Vietnamese war dead. It has been suggested that other Irish universities may have turned down the chance to host the replica on precisely these grounds. Cynics, however, might suggest that Northern Ireland was surely the natural home for any grossly one-sided account of a conflict...
Monica 2
Anna Knowles, a Biology student at Sheffield bearing a striking resemblance to President Clinton's favourite intern, managed to fool some of the crowds at a Lewinsky book-signing in the Meadowhall Centre in the city last month. Among the gullible members of the public thus taken in was an Iranian who had apparently travelled all the way from his home country to see Miss Lewinsky, and for some reason prevailed on Miss Knowles to sign all his ten pound notes. Miss Knowles was eventually detected by hawk-eyed security guards and made to leave the centre, though she did subsequently manage to get a book signed by the real Monica. Asked whether she had considered being a full-time lookalike, Miss Knowles exhibited the powerful moral compass traditionally associated with the people of Yorkshire in replying "I don't think I could do lookalike appearances professionally ... unless it was for a lot of money."
Cambridge hacks
Britain's second best university suffered a security nightmare over the Easter vac when a hacker exploited a loophole in the security system and gained access to thousands of student files, including many pieces of graduate work. The incident forced the University to change 6000 user passwords, and 1800 users had to visit the University Computing Service armed with ID to collect their new passwords at the start of the term. CUSU's graduate representative pointed out that "this isn't the first time this has happened". Why exactly anyone would want to read the files of Cambridge students has not been made clear yet.
Anatomy of Britain
This week's issue of The Steel Press, the Sheffield student newspaper, leads with a story on university security, but examination of the letters page illuminates the issue that truly concerns the undergraduates there. There are 2 letters on the subject of the suburb of Walkley, and the burning question about it that they address is also to be the subject of the newpaper's first poll, to be carried out electronically. The question? "Is Walkley a shit-hole?"
Compiled by Timothy Waters