Weighing up the pros and cons
First off, I must admit that I am not the most physically imposing of young gentlemen. However, as anyone who has seen Fight Club would surely surmise, matching definition with the most revealing of underwear ads is not the be all and end all of masculinity.
Or is it? To gain some insight into this most vexing and urgent quandary, I set forth on the potentially intimidating and assuredly painful task of exploring that unique subculture that pervades Oxford gyms. That's right, friends, muscle culture.
Entering into the bizarre psychology of the "serious lifter" and at the same time beginning to unlock my own body's potential: a truly Herculean endeavour.
I began with The High Health Club, located at 6 High Street, because it bills itself as appealing to those seeking an aerobic and or light toning work-out, clearly putting itself at odds with the intimidating serious bulk-lifting contingent. And from my first gaze, or more accurately, my first whiff of this remarkably mild smelling gym, I was certain this advertising was genuine.
Upon entering the brightly lit reception area, I was greeted by a smartly-dressed, charismatic and very friendly man who pointed me in the relevant directions and explained all of the club's unique policies. I learned that the time at which I had arrived was during the hours when the sauna and jacuzzi facilities were set aside for men. There are also hours on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays during which the gym is open only to women.
So, after sorting out these important details, it was on to my first work-out. And a smooth and relatively stress-free workout it was to be. Without the wretched gym odour of stale cheese and other human unpleasantries to oppress the olfactory organ, along with the shockingly good functioning of the machines, most of the time I could hardly tell I was testing my body's limits. And then there are the TVs! Yes, there is virtually no exercise one can do without being able to view one of the many boxes, always tuned appropriately to MTV or VH1. For one seems to forget one's pathetic physical state and truly begin to work when distracted by a Milli Vanilli Behind The Music Special. A truly fresh approach indeed.
And, of course, there are the weights. Well, there are the weight machines, which once again serve to turn-off the serious lifter, for nearly all of the people I observed there seemed of such uncommonly normal physique.
To conclude, The High Health Club is an excellent gym if one's goals would be met by weight loss and or toning. It is rather expensive though. A term-time membership (six months), which takes into account a 10% student discount, costs £252. One term is even more damaging, costing £108.
The second stop in my exhausting quest to explore Oxford's fitness scene was Pulse, Oxford University's own fitness centre.
From what I had heard, this University gym was small, grim, smelly and just generally unpleasant. However, after my visit I am proud to shout out a jubilant reply of, "Not so!"
Somewhat far from the centre of Oxford it may be, but accessible, multi-faceted and accommodating to all fitness needs and levels it certainly is as well. Located off Iffley Rd, finding the gym can be something of a workout in itself. Yet on entering, so many fitness possibilities spring to life, and all tension is instantly eased.
It is, in fact, larger than The High Health Club, and it offers several important options that its pricey rival cannot - a running track, the aforementioned basketball court, three squash courts, a power lifting (free weights) room and tennis courts, though they stress that the Blues often occupy these courts during summer term.
And what of the so far elusive serious lifter? Well, Pulse happens to be home to many a serious lifter, most packed into the rather small and dank power lifting room. The familiar, nauseating gym smell is present in high concentration in this area and frightening grunts, gasps and growls of the man-beast are irritatingly frequent.
My experience in this room was, as expected, somewhat humiliating. Seeing that I was about to undertake a set of bench presses, I received the usual look of condescension flavoured with hatred from one of the grotesques, who then offered to give me a spot. I politely declined, but he responded furiously with, "Look, clearly you are new here and don't know the first thing about what it really means to respect your body, so just lay down and accept generosity when it's given to you."
Obviously I could not respond with anything other than doing what I was told. So I began the difficult set, my spotter providing the generosity of a lone finger as I finally, shaking and feeling the cold hand of death surging forth with its entire wrath, managed to return the weight to its origin. I forced my body upright, and, dazed, stumbled from the room, this time not so politely declining the offer to "see how a man does it".
But then there was the oasis of the weight machines, located just down the hall in a vibrant and not overly odorous room. All the essential equipment is present and fairly state-of-the-art. There is only one TV in this room, so one isn't as thoroughly entertained as at The High, but it should suffice for most people.
The most important aspect that distinguishes Pulse from The High, is, of course, the price. An academic year membership at Pulse costs only £35. Membership includes an introduction to the gym equipment, reduced rates on the sunroom and sauna and advice on programme design. Definitely brilliant value for the student budget.
Well, this concludes my short excursion into the fascinating realm of muscle culture. I would have loved to investigate The Gym on Cowley Rd, but simply didn't have enough protein.
4th May 2000