Finals of a Diarist...
My girlfriend and I parted on an instant messenger service. That's the electronic age for you. You think you aren't in it, and then bam, it hits you. Suddenly you're no longer a small boy on a bicycle going up the cobbled street to buy some Hoavis. The net has infiltrated your relationships with other people, and in some people's cases, entirely replaced other people. Of course you never hear about all this. They only tell you the success stories. The type of "Our fonts met across a crowded chat room. She had a full set of curves, and Century Gothic made me so horny." They don't tell you about the relationships that have ended because couples are in constant electronic contact. Because their nightly conversation is in a little box at one side of their screen, like a play being written as they speak, their sentences prefaced with "John says" and "Kate says". ...
Columns: The Rules
Having entered your chosen den of iniquity, it is merely a matter of time before you secure your target. Choose wisely, 'cos it's a jungle out there, and you don't want to be the one going home with the gorilla. These suggestions will guide you through the early evening, making those first moves flow that little bit smoother, laying the groundwork for a good shag. Can you afford to ignore The Rules...?...
Columns: Jack in the Ox
Columns: Knackered Chef
Definitely, a great part of the joy in making yourself and others a particularly fine meal is going and getting the ingredients. Not least because you can make quite a day out of it. You can get up fairly late and take a leisurely stroll in to town. You know its going to be a good day because its going to end with a Thai curry. Bonus. Have a look around and then enter a supermarket, probably Sainsbury's (who haven't given me a contract). I always find its good to have a walkman on so that you can cruise around the aisles in a thrash-dub-trance groove. With your basket by your side you have everything to play for. Rock over to the herb section first, its bound to be fairly lame but if you find some fresh coriander then pick it up and put it in. Hmmm, how about some chilli? Ask the moody shelf-stacker where they are and follow the grunted directions. The chillis look good. Grab a few red and a few green and if they've got any other colours, you should probably get them too. Next, you realise that Sainsbury's is really a bit crap; the lights are too bright, kids are making noise and your legs feel achey. Its time to move on. Get some chicken breasts, some cream and then grab yourself a bottle of booze before facing the final hurdle of the check out. ...
Columns: Bog standards
It's not often in the high risk, high reek world of toilet reporting that you feel you can make a wider contribution to society. But this week, I decided it was time to lift the lid on the seamier side of Oxford life. Craftily disguising myself with a copy of Will Kymlicka's Contemporary Political Thought, I took it on myself to investigate the neo Nazi cells that operate in... the toilets next to the PPE Reading Room....
Columns: Poetry Corner
HER LAST RAINBOW