Weird World
Flat as a pancake
Disney bosses have blundered in setting their new movie on a mountain-top castle in Norfolk. The plot revolves around a group of survivors who flee to the eastern county after dragons set London ablaze and supposedly find refuge in the mountains. Production had been progressing in the highlands of County Wicklow until two members of the crew, who were from Norfolk, pointed out that the county is famously flat. It is thought all references to Norfolk in the film, which stars Matthew McConaughey and Christian Bale, are now being removed.
Gnome what I mean?
Garden gnomes are to be given a 21st century makeover with their old-style fishing rods being ditched in favour of mobile phones and laptop computers. Ideas under consideration include swapping the perennial toadstools for micro scooters and introducing a new range of costumes, including rugby and football kits. Tesco's garden range director, Willie Hamilton, interestingly said that "Unfortunately, the old image of the garden gnome just sitting around doing nothing went out with the Thatcher era. Coming home after a hard day's work to find your garden gnome still in exactly the same spot, happily fishing, doesn't fit in easily with today's active lifestyle".
Love and H8
A husband whose wife walked out on him is driving around with the licence plate H8 HER. Richard Walker, a 70-year-old former oil tanker skipper, says they had grown apart during his 30 years at sea. "I always wanted a personal plate, " Walker added. "And if H8 HER was available then it would sum up exactly how I felt about my wife." Mr Wright's wife Sheila has refused to comment.
Don't stop crossing
Oxford students were shocked to discover this week that the pedestrian crossings on the High Street were not making their usual beeping noises, but instead were playing the latest S Club 7 single, 'Don't stop moving'.
One male student commented: "I'm a big fan of the S Club girls, except Tina (she mings you know) so I really approve."
3rd May 2001