The Rules
For those of you who want a bit more from student life than pseudo-marriage, I give you the Rules to obey for successful extra-relationship activities. Even if you're lucky enough to have a like-minded partner, it helps to keep indiscretions subtle, so use your head as well as your body, and learn how to have your cake and eat it...
Rule 32: Do Play Away From Home.
Your tracks, in every respect, are best covered by keeping all sexual adventures away from space you share with your partner. No chance of any unwanted traces of other shags if you go elsewhere for your fun. This will save you time and money on room-tidying and sheet-washing, and prevent your new shag discovering photo-montages of your happy relationship. Also, should nosy neighbours/housemates witness you fucking someone other than your dearly beloved, the cat will surely be out of the bag....
Rule 33: Do Be Careful Bed-Hopping.
While there's nothing wrong with going from one shag to the next, should you have the stamina, it does raise the chances of getting caught considerably. If you smell of someone else's perfume/bodily fluids, there is no escape from the inevitable disclosure of your infidelity, so make sure you at least change your clothes and have a shower between partners. Oh, and try not to look like you've just had sex....
Rule 34: Do Know Who Is Who.
Be careful not to confuse your love-match with your part-time shags in any way at all. Beyond the obvious wrong-name disasters, be aware which one you want to keep and who's disposable, so if you ever get double-booked, you know who to stand up. Don't get too close to any casual partners, or you may end up with divided allegiance. And after all, the last thing you want is another proper relationship....
Rule 35: Do Keep Communication Private.
Never, ever, let any of your partners answer your phone, or even touch it. Don't answer the phone to one partner when you're with another, you'll just make them both suspicious. Stored numbers, texts and other incriminating information should be kept to a minimum, and only ever check email alone. Collect your post yourself and get your own photos developed. To be a true master/mistress of sexual deception, open a new email account or get a new phone number to give out to existing and potential infidelities. Sounds quite fun, huh?
Rule 36: Do Keep Them Away From Each Other.
This is truly essential for successful extra-curricular shagging. Few people will pull their mate's serious love interest, or even the partner of someone they sort-of know, or should one meet the other once you're cheating, the potential for things to go sour is huge. Envisage the probability of tears, fights and general fuss (all pretty high in our parochial environment) and I think you'll agree. What they don't know won't hurt them....
So there we are. You've read the Rules, now go out and use them! I shall say my goodbyes to the lovely Oxford Student next week with something a little bit different, but I thank everyone who has read and enjoyed my Rules and my World of Sex. Go forth and copulate!
Much love, Ruby xxxxx
1st Jun 2001