News Hound
It's been an exciting vacation, hasn't it, what with Oxford flying high up in the media stratosphere. Indeed, no sooner had Newshound recovered from the Sunday Times article when he was confronted with the sight of two college JCR Presidents appearing upon that classic daytime TV show, Esther. Ali Richardson of Teddy Hall and Aodhnait Fahy of Merton seemed unusually eager to contribute to the scintillating topic under discussion, 'Beauty versus Brains'. Apparently, Ali considers good conversation to be vital in a partner, while Aodhnait finds brains and beauty equally attractive. So now you know.
Meanwhile, a couple of Christ Church students decided to forgo a nice spell in the Val d'Isere in favour of making tits of themselves on the Weakest Link. Going only by their Christian names, 'Will' admitted tutors found him "a bit of a plonker" - and then proceeded to demonstrate why by singing 'Great balls of fire', doubtless with great dignity and aplomb - while the news that 'Kate' dislikes Oxford's student journalists has left staff at this esteemed publication stunned, nay, reeling from shock.
Clues are afoot that all is not well at the Union this week, with the release of the Trinity termcard, a decidedly small-scale affair in Newshound's opinion. Speakers so far confirmed include Helen Fielding, Terry Pratchett and Westlife. Quick, step up the security! New Pres Karen Price claims the lack of big names is to "avoid disappointment" when speakers fail to turn up. Elsewhere, however, she reprimands her absentee standing committee. "Remember to wave if I see you in the street, so I know who you are", she ever-so-sweetly reminds them. Quite sure they will, Karen. Mind you, at least Willem Marx has an excuse of a bizarre and impressive nature truly befitting the Union. The poor boy is apparently trapped in turbulent Syria, unable to fulfil his important Unioning duties. Shame.
What is more, Newshound must inform you that he will be unable to have a pint and a bone (now, now children) in the Union Bar for the rest of term, due to a chronic asthma problem. He gets chesty, you see, and what with the news that smoke extractors "should be put in place in a few weeks", signaling a possible overturn of the Union bar's smoking ban, it looks as though he is going to have to munch his bone elsewhere instead.
Perhaps Somerville would be a good place. Or perhaps not, given its tendency to licentiousous in JCR meetings. Particularly one at the end of last term, where one Somerville JCR treasurer, Gus Young, decided to bare all in front of the whole JCR, his dignity protected only by a strategically-placed chair. One onlooker claimed that the sight "wasn't pretty". Thankfully, the proposed 'Nudity Day', to affect the whole college, drew no brave volunteers. Now, you don't want to see Newshound get aroused, that you don't.
25th Apr 2002