News Hound
It is with pleasure that Newshound reports on his smooth transition to hack life. On meeting certain notables in the Union Bar, former President Nick Mason exclaims "But I thought you'd be really fat and ugly!" As if. At the same event, the honourable Mr Daniel Miles Johnson asks Newshound to ensure that his divine proclamations are reported in our esteemed publication. "Richardson's a nobber," exclaims the tall, handsome, not-so-dark one. Quite. More Union news sees President, the adorable Karen Price, unimpressed with Cherwell's allegations that long-serving barman Chris English is leaving due to disagreements with Union staff. "Absolutely, utterly untrue," swears the heavenly Ms Price, adding "hopefully Cherwell will publish an apology this week." We shall see. Although Newshound's influence has caused Trinity Ball to sell out this week, the Strokes-boasting event is now usurped by wild rumours concerning the forthcoming Univ Ball. U2's Bono is apparently appearing as a special guest; so expect self-congratulatory speeches, overblown dad-rock and, in all likelihood, the parting of the waves.
Council Election special: Karim Palant (New) runs as Labour candidate in Thursday's local elections. Newshound can only surmise from this photograph that he hopes to get in by riding on the back of the Greens. [Arf !- Eds]
9th May 2002