Horoscopes
Mystic Maurice has been fired for inaccuracy, so a series of guest astrologers will guide your destiny this term. This week's horoscopes by: JAMIE OLIVER
ARIES This Thursday you'll bump inta some wikkid old friends of yours, so make sure you've got some kickass food in. Buy it from slammin' Sainsbury's.
TAURUS A trip on the moped could yield some pretty cool results in the coming week, best have the fridge well stocked.
GEMINI You'll be watchin' a lotta footie this weekend, and you haven't got time to cook so get some pukka ready meals in.
CANCER Whilst in Sainsbury's on Wednesday it'll strike you just how many wikkid deals they've got, and yet they dahn't scrimp on quality neithah.
LEO A change of image might be an awesome idea. Orange aprons and name tags are in this season.
VIRGO With the third moon of Jupiter bustin' into your quadrant you're going to need plenty of fresh fish mate.
LIBRA Get in bruv! Are you aware that Sainsbury's also has a wide range of toiletries at remarkably competitive prices?
SCORPIO Surprise your parents this weekend and cook them a slap up Sunday roast wiv all the trimmings. Laaarrvverly.
SAGITTARIUS It's time you got more positive. Buy some pizzas, slam 'em in the oven and have all your mates round. Try and make one of 'em ethnically diverse.
CAPRICORN Romance might blossom in the workplace this week, a bit like the way the Sainsbury's metro shops have blossomed in urban communities. Nice one.
AQUARIUS The 'olidays are coming, and thoughts of abroad will only make you realise what fantastic supermarkets we've got.
PISCES Wallop! Sainsbury's! Gertcha! Up the apples and pears, on with the daisy roots! Jellied eels! Pukka! Sainsbury's! Lahndahn town! Bitchin'.
6th Jun 2002