Things to do before you leave Oxford
No. 1 - Go punting, properly.
If the thought of dragging an old boat through murky waters doesn't excite your summery sensibilities, you're obviously not thinking about punting in the right way. Everyone's seen it-even the Tabs can do it (albeit wrongly)-the real art of punting is in the surroundings. The risking of life, limb and dignity in front of one's peers and close to water is not something to be done sloppily. Leave the Panama hats and cravats at home, but make sure you overdress significantly. There is no better way to gawp at attractive people than whilst gliding alongside in a punt. Obviously pick a sunny day for it. If you're heading for the Cherwell, go right out of the dock and follow the river around; once you're out on the water, crack open the champagne and sing. The combined exertions of punting and the drinking will inevitably make you a little peckish, so ensure you've packed chocolate and strawberries. Once all the eatables and drinkables have disappeared, the next source of indulgence will be in seeing one of your friends fall in the water, preferably wearing an expensive dress or suit. The trick is to be the first to punt; near-drowning incidents always happen later along the trip. Once you've paraded some dexterity with the long pole, offer it to an inexperienced (and inebriated) crew member. Once captain and punt are set on opposite courses, either by branch, quagmire or Act of Friend, take the all important snap for the scrapbook. The one token the hapless amphibian will need afterwards, other than a pint at the Head of the River, is a spare pair of socks.
24th Apr 2003