Things to do before you leave Oxford
By Digo Davies
No. 5: Be a student for a day
One of the blessings of living on the front quad of a seventeenth century college is that you often find yourself caught in the gaze of a melee of tourists, either of the bespectacled or French schoolgroup variety. A chance to appear ostentatious and academic couture it could be, except that Oxford students seem to have cultivated a mock aloofness and irritation when faced by the uber-keen and camera-clad; either that or they're from New College and find it difficult to relate to the hoi polloi. Nonetheless even the matchstick mafia secretly appreciate throwing aside the pashmina and going for a bit of rough. And no, I don't mean the gap year casualties who go to indulge in the 'breathtaking' poverty only found in Burmese villages.
Gather your troops and set off for a leisurely trip on a Tour Bus. There's no better place to sip on cheap champagne than an open-top bus; apparently wearing subfusc gets you on for free, too. The tourists will certainly find you a welcome distraction from the blathering announcer, who will probably use you as an opportunity to appropriate Steve Coogan's old "steowdent" routines with less panache than Alan Partridge. After a few swigs you'll probably be offering an vocal alternative commentary on the colleges regardless; just try not to start every anecdote with "and this was the place I pulled..." In order to prevent slouching and poor endurance, take a break from the bus to put the group through a few tests. Task one must be to test endurance and balance: climb a tower. The University Church in Radcliffe Square wins out for value (20p a peek) and boasts a great view of the rooftops. Try not to shed group members due to vertigo at this stage. Task two is spatial awareness: join a tour of the Bodleian book stack and find out what those pink slips in the library are used for. Don't forget to savour the smell from the vents of the stack outside the RadCam as you pass. Task three involves a little more grit: take a walk to Port Meadow and grab a pint at The Trout. Supposedly Bill Clinton enjoyed a regular dip in this part of town; sadly his Oxford degree also sank first time around. Task four is of course to avoid that 2.2 - or you might end up being the one giving the narration on a walking tour of Oxford.
22nd May 2003