Food, Glorious Food
It is a truth universally acknowledged that Oxford has many great restaurants.
If, like me, you have found yourself sitting in an empty 'Aqua Vitae' on Folly Bridge, you may doubt this. Enjoying dinner out involves finding a restaurant with a good base level of quality, but also one which is suitable for the occasion. 'Jamal's' is great for a rugby dinner, but not the place to shout sweet nothings at a prospective (or existing) lover. It is a testament to my devotion to the OxStu that I volunteered to 'eat my way round the city', casting aside such ideas as 'low fat' food and 'fruit and vegetables' with gay abandon and callous disregard for my waistline. Accordingly, I've done some arduous research and come up with what I believe is the best restaurant list ever drawn up. I am of course a raving egotist, but just trust me for a second. Here's my 'restaurant for all seasons' guide:
FIRST DATE
A first date requires a perfect mixture of good food (not too heavy on the garlic), drinkable alcohol and an intimate setting. Smaller than usual portions might also be a good idea, unless you plan to end the date feeling like a sumo wrestler, gurgling and burping in an effort not to feel sick. So first place goes to 'The Rose' on the High Street, with its casual atmosphere and small but perfectly formed menu. An honourable mention should go to 'Ma Belle' in Wheatsheaf Yard, for its delicate French cuisine and wine list. Avoid Mongolian Wok (George Street) like the plague. Yes, karaoke is comedy, but the only thing that singing 'Lady in Red' or anything by Westlife will do for you is make you single again. Also, they have a time limit (how weird?) and you can never avoid the tendency to throw everything into one dish, creating the gastronomic equivalent of what used to happen when you put all the paints together in primary school.
DINNER WITH PARENTS
If, in a fit of generosity, you decide to treat your dear beloved parents, you need 'reasonable' (i.e. cheap) food, and somewhere where the smoke and obscenities are kept to a minimum. How about the 'Eagle and Child' in St Giles, which combines mains for under £8 with 'olde worlde' atmosphere, so you can tell them about how J.R.R. Tolkien used to sup there, instead of your collection mark. For God's sake, don't go anywhere near any of the restaurants in the next category, unless you plan to sell your soul to Satan. If they're paying, then let them express their pride in you, by taking you to 'Gees', 61 Banbury Road, which repays its fairly hefty price tag by providing you with good food and good service. It also has a conservatory, which judging by my straw poll, is apparently what makes a good restaurant. Second place to 'Petit Blanc' (Walton Street) on the principle that it's not your money - if they're loaded then you might even try for 'Rosamund the Fair' a stately barge cruise (starts in Jericho) which allegedly provides the best dinner to be had in Oxford. Sadly it's £52, and even I don't love food more than rent. Avoid 'Jamal's', for obvious reasons - too loud, too smoky, too laxative. Indian is also a no-no for first dates, for the simple reason that the morning after should limit monkey breath and dodgy bowels to increase the chances of having another night before.
BEST FRIEND
If your dinner date is your heavy drinking best friend and you're feeling rich, 'Cherwell Boat House' is a good bet, where opinions on the food differ widely, but praise of the wine list is unanimous. You might also see some Union speakers, providing a good chance to embarrass yourselves in front of a better class of people. Honourable mention to 'Opium Den' on the corner of Worcester and George St. Take my tip and go with the set dinner, £17 each, and set aside a few hours.
Reject, however, the tempting oasis of 'Frevd's', for although the food is good and the portions almost embarrassingly large, the over priced drinks will not wet anyone's whistle. Or eat there and pop down the road to 'The Bookbinders Arms' to quaff the night away.
POWER LUNCH
If you're looking for lunch in a hurry, or want to combine food with important discussion, I suggest 'Heroes' on Ship Street, or 'Café Orient' on George Street, both of which offer fast service. Don't let the promise of Ceefax and Heat magazine tempt you into 'News Café' (also Ship St), as you'll still be waiting for your order after you've graduated.
END OF EXAMS
Yes, finals (mods for you young rapscallion first years) are over, and all you want to do is pass out in a restaurant toilet. The loo you're looking for might well belong to Jamal's on Walton Street, a restaurant whose owners kindly let you bring your own tipples and adopt an understanding attitude towards sports teams and gangs of drunken finalists. I could tell you about the food, which is surprisingly good, but after that sixth glass of authentic Bulgarian table wine your last taste bud will have long departed, rendering even the strongest curries bland. I'd also plump for EAMAYL on Park End Street, where for a tenner you can eat until you burst. Epicures amongst you might complain that the duck 'meat' is distinctly gristly and feathery, and your arteries might go 'clang' just looking at the pork balls, but -damn, there's a lot of food.
I think for everyone else's sake it's best that you avoid all small, bistro-like restaurants, where the manager is likely to be less than impressed with twenty confetti-strewn drunkards.
QUIET NIGHT IN
Of course, no one can eat out every night, so if you fancy cooking at home, you should consider shopping at the Covered Market - the speciality cheesemongers is frankly amazing, and the gourmet sausagemongers do marvels with calvados, venison and wild boar.
If you have the cooking talent of , well, a student, M&S's 'Cook!' range can help you cheat your way to gourmet bliss, with pre-prepared treats like Atlantic prawns with garlic butter, calf's livers and beef wellington. Fresh filled pasta, available at most supermarkets, is also the kitchen duffer's saviour. It cooks in under five minutes, and you can buy fantastic sauces. Combine, and smirk at your own gastronomic superiority.
In fact, the only problem with all this fine eating is after sampling haute cuisine and the delicacies of the Orient, that you might not have such an appetite for beans on toast and Pot Noodles.
12th Jun 2003