Sexcellent
While I've been off I've been thinking, in particular, about the noises you all make when you're engaged in the deepest intimacy with the ones you cherish.
Perhaps it's just the result of my limited sphere of experience, but considering the number of people out there and the range of phonetically possible noises, I find myself surprised by the paucity of variation in sex noises among the girls of my close acquaintance. Essentially, there are just four.
The first is 'Oh!' - note the exclamation mark. This is the 'oh' of surprise, the pillow-talk of the perpetually astounded. This is not to be confused with 'Oh?', suggesting a slightly gormless sort of bemusement, similar to the inquisitive noise that follows bizarre assertions. 'Oh?'
Still another incarnation of this inexhaustibly versatile vowel-sound is the grainy lawnmower, 'Oh,' an eerie, even monotone that resembles nothing so much as a scratched stuck record.
An old favourite, which I got to know intimately through the offices of my next-door neighbour a couple of years ago, is the 'Can you repeat the question' variety of sex: 'Huh? Huh? Huh?' Typically accompanied by heavy breathing, one is easily able to follow the progression from question to realisation (as 'Huh?' becomes 'Huh', then 'Ah').
Quite apart from the question of what noise you make, of course, is the question of how much. When attempting to elicit some measure of recognition for one's efforts, none at all can be disconcerting. Is it a case of least said, soonest mended? Is she asleep?
Then again, too much noise can be an inconvenience. This is particularly true when out of doors, being forced to clasp your hand over your companion's mouth.
No, an excess of noise is definitely not desirable. It can be positively disturbing. One girl seemed to be enjoying herself so much she broke into ecstatic peals of laughter, interpolated with 'Oh, YES!'
This took me rather by surprise; most of the time I am delighted to get a laugh out of anyone, but in bed a quietly appreciative audience is enough.
A moan or two, sure - even a yelp can be nice. An uncontrollable shudder is thoroughly encouraging, the bedroom equivalent of a football coach's involuntary squeal of delight as you put one away for the team. But a fit of giggling is more than anyone needs.
22nd Apr 2004