Minions On A Mission
Love: well and truly in Oxford's air. Never was that stench stronger than on Tuesday night in Thirst, scene of RAG's speed dating event. The opportunity to ensnare swathes of nubile wenches at a single stroke proved too much to resist at Minion HQ, and so it was decreed: newly appointed OxStu Minions Three and Four were to assume the roles of itinerant Casanovas for the night, attempting to achieve pulling velocity with as many women as humanly possible. Two minions vs. an innumerable mass of female flesh. How could we fail?...
Columns: Community Service
With fifth week firmly upon us, and the saturation point felt by so many an Oxford styler after four frugal weeks of making do with the same trunk-full of outfits already kicking in, one's thoughts cannot help but be drawn to the summertime.
Columns: Sexcellent
Oh, Muffin! I love it when you do that!" "Mmph! Uh!"
Columns: Mendelsohn's Misanthropy
I hate the boat club. Could it be the most overrated thing in Oxford? Could it be the reason that hundreds of pleasant, balanced and interesting freshers are reduced to mind-dulled clean-living exercise-zombies, existing for the kick of the early morning and dirty river water? Could it be a huge force for evil in this world? Well, I suggest we look at a few of the facts....
Columns: Text And The City
As boring as my life is now, this column will be equally boring. Life in the library has few simple pleasures. Finding that the book you need is on the shelf, or a ray of sunlight shining across your Shakespeare notes. The small things in life are now very important. During the morning anticipation builds toward lunchtime. Will Hall be offering fried fish various, or something else involving seafood? (After a week of tuna pasta, battered cod, baked salmon and scampi, I think there must be some official college policy to load us with Omega 3). Important decisions must be made. Minstrels or M&Ms? Muffin or cake? Then we come to the most pressing issue of the day: what will Lyn's hairstyle be in Neighbours? Will Karl sing? Will there be an amusing incident involving Valda, or will Izzy's cleavage have its own billing? Will anyone notice that Joe has gone AWOL and is in rehab? Ah, a session of Neighbours can provide food for thought for the entire day. Go into college at 1.45pm on any weekday and you'll find the library for once empty, as haggard finalists cluster round the TV pretending they do still have outside interests. Then it's back to the library for another fun six hours of work. Argh. I'm very glad now I didn't do any work for the other three years of my degree; a week like this is just too horrible. ...
