Face to Face
Face to Face
One can’t help but feel that when it comes to romance, Oxford’s reputation is squeaky clean. Despite our romantic and oft quoted dreaming spires, we are the least likely of any students in Britain to have sex in freshers’ week. There is something touchingly innocent about studious young ladies and gentlemen heading to the Rad Cam to make flirtatious eye contact with one another before they immerse themselves back in the safe, unsexy depths of contemporary epistemology.
However, as the two lovebirds this week show, when it comes to the realms of cyberspace, we suddenly lose our prudishness and sexual hang-ups. Jeniv’s relationship status is “married to your mum” which,he triumphantly exclaims means “you are my son or daughter”. He is not the only one with this sexual preference. Although incest is one of the few things that is considered taboo in virtually any society, in Oxford we are quite accepting of our inbred tendencies.
For example, Mansfield’s facebook group, Incest �" the Mansfield way of life, has thirty-four members. It makes me wonder how many promising scholars return home from their first term at Oxford to say, “Oh mummy, I had the most splendid time at Oxford, the architecture is spiffing, the course is exhilarating and I’m so glad the student body has such a liberal attitude towards incest”.
Along with the I touch myself and Team frustrato groups, Jeniv is also member (along with seventy-two others) of the Deer fantasy perverts club, a club that claims to cater “for all those people who have lewd thoughts about the deer at Magdalen and like watching them have sex”. Steph, incidentally, professes an interest in performing animal impressions.
Surely this could prove to be the perfect match? If all else failed, the two singletons could always enter a serious debate about politics and international relations, but turning to Steph’s facebook profile, I feel this will not be the case. However demure she may be when it comes to RadCam courtship, Steph’s picture captures her leaning over a cluttered bar to grope a young man’s bottom with a look that can only be described as lustful.
So would the social context of a facebook date, the romantic ambience of Kazbar and the amazing aphrodisiac effect of a few bottles of wine provide the perfect excuse for Steph and Jeniv to unleash their most animalistic instincts? Or would they both return to their own homes for a cup of cocoa and a relaxing read of The Economist?
What Jeniv thought of the date
I wasn’t really nervous before the date �" after all, what was the worst that could have happened? The main question on my mind was what cologne to go with: London Gentleman? Blackbeard’s Delight? Then I decided she ought to get a special cologne �" Sex Panther. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.
On meeting Steph, the first thing that went through my mind was a sense of relief: it turns out that Steph and I had already met on a crew date some time last term, so we were spared the horrors of the token name/year/course/college conversation and we quickly settled into reminiscing about that drunken evening at The Kashmir. The date itself was splendid. Despite me having about as much banter as a hamster, Steph was on very good form so the conversation ran smoothly.
I can’t really remember any of the dreaded awkward silences and the food and sangria were lovely. All that was lacking was the elusive spark. But then maybe feelings are feelings because we can’t control them. Did we exchange contact details? That’s a negative, ghostrider. But we are now Facebook friends and I’m sure we’ll see each other out and about.
What Steph thought of the date
“I wasn’t particularly nervous before the date as I figured I could get on with pretty much anyone for a couple of hours. I just hoped I wouldn’t be proved wrong. My first impressions were good especially as I was comforted by the feeling that I was sure we’d met somewhere before. That is, until I realised that we’d met on a crew date last term, where he had accused me of being aggressive for pennying him too much.
I endeavoured to suppress my aggression for a while and show him my relaxed side to make up for our previous encounter. The conversation flowed really easily over the tapas and sangria. We chatted so much it is hard to remember what we actually talked about. Although a few of the topics included college anecdotes, sport and the one mutual friend we could think of. But I did definitely take away that he’s a top guy and really easy to chat to.
We didn’t exchange contact details but he has promised me a facebook friendship and I’m sure I’ll see him around. Final thoughts: Definately not ‘a chopper’ (to coin one of his favourite phrases).”
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4th May 2006