What I want to be when I grow up
Job description:
Enjoying the freedom and listlessness of student life too much to give up? Making the most of the cocktails and canapés but not enough of the Kant? Qualifying as a trophy spouse is an easy way out for the chronically-lethargic or intellectually-challenged looking to avoid a meeting between their feet and the ground. Maximum gain, minimum effort: think of it as marrying the leprechaun under the rainbow.
Be prepared to spend hours being primped and primed for your (possibly nausea inducing) spouse, possibly a rich city type (see #1) or politically motivated homosexual. You are a dinner party partner first and a sex object second, although if you are lucky he/she will find excitement in ill-concealed affairs at the office. Demeaning? You would prefer to think of it as energy efficient.
No-one would ever complain about you making the most of your intelligence — why is there so much of a stigma in rejoicing in your natural form? Cosmetic surgery is like a university education. And your spouse is a government grant.
Job requirements:
In women a twenty-four inch waist, a bubbling dinner party laugh and a range of fake orgasmic moans.
In men, a degree in something intriguing but useless like art history or religious anthropology, a copy of the Kama Sutra and preferably a European accent. For both sexes the major requirement is the willing to smile and scintillate in public and think of England in private.
Perks of the job:
Shoes, hats, handbags, villas in the south of France, a hot personal trainer and a room of one’s own if you are lucky.
Plenty of time to paint your nails/hone your physique and develop your acting/sculpture/ tai chi without the distraction of having to actually suffer for your art. If everything falls apart, or your partner asks for a pre-nup, you can at least anticipate a little extra cash and fame from selling your story to a tabloid thus wreaking glorious revenge on your sleazy ex by ruining his political career.
Career opportunities:
You are at the top of the trades, whether recognised or not.
As close to landed gentry as is attainable in a single generation: you neither have to work nor take responsibilities, thus allowing you to flit carefree from lunch date to afternoon tea (at which you may not eat, save for some lettuce). For the goal setters among you there is always someone richer, smarter, older/actually attractive. But really the aim is to last the pace. The longer you stay the more the divorce settlement will be in your favour.
1st Jun 2006