French Girl: “Excuse me, where is ze university.. Don: “Thinking of applying are you?” Be very careful who you talk to, tourist.
Overheard in an IT room. Bloke 1: “Ever shagged your missus at work?” Bloke 2: “Nah, but I sucked her tit.” Lovely.
Young man outside KFC, Cornmarket: “So what’s your background?” Girl : “You mean, like, on my mobile?”
Two tourists looking into All Souls college: “Oh my goodness! There’s actually two people in there!” “It’s like looking into Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory and seeing an oompa loompa!” We wish it was a chocolate factory – so much more useful.
“What’s a Brasenose?” We’ve been asking that since 1509.
A highly studious LMH Fresher: “I’m afraid I must cancel our 12pm tutorial today. It seems that, despite having had 8 weeks to do so, I have not started either of the two essays due.”
Possible gender confusion in a queue for a ball: “There’s always some twat in a kilt”.