Ah, my thespy darlings, it seems like only yesterday that I started this job. You bounded up to me, all fresh-faced and rosy-cheeked and said “please sir, can we have some more gossip?” I remember my exact words: “No, dears,” I said, “but I’ll lie to you in a most amusing way if it’d help.”
Now we’re rapidly approaching the end of this most eventful and rather filthy of terms and I’m starting to run out of news. All the really gossip-worthy productions have been and gone and my sex-shop discount is no longer valid. A single tear courses down my cheek.
It’s not all looming doom and gloom zooming in, though, and I can still mock Jack Blackburn’s hilarious (literal) turn for a criminalesque mugshot on the poster of Fool for Love. Scott Mooney genuinely looks like he’s just knocked over a liquor store; Joseph McCrave could easily be McCraving his sweet, sweet crack pipe and Naomi Omori has obviously just killed a man in Reno just to watch him die. I’m not sure there’s really a crime white-collar enough to end Jack up in the lineup, though. Are bad jokes illegal?
There’s also the who’s who of thespdom that is The Blue Room. Promising to be fun and sexy, although, after watching Bent, the combination of sexual themes and Brian McMahon has me reaching instinctively for my spitfire. It will also see a welcome return to the stage for James Corrigan, who hasn’t been in a big name Oxford show for literally minutes.
The big news, of course, is the election, despite Emily Precious’ pleas and my ginger voodoo doll, of the incomparable, indescribable, indigestible Gluteus Maximus Marenbon. It shall be parts for the talented, and spare parts for everybody else.
He’s already in full politician mode, though, with meetings in the back room of No. 10 OUDS Street (formerly G&D’s) with the elusive Krishna Omkar: the Bigfoot of Oxford drama. In that he’s hard to find, I mean. No comment on his shoe size.
Apparently Mssr. Omkar is going to Omkarry out a production of The Tempest on his own island. Krishnaria, perhaps? Krishnopolis? The Krishish Empire? Hold on, I need to write these down…