Satire and Student Features
Notorious Hertford drinking society The Penguins have contributed to students losing management of their college bar. Now the bar is to be granted a fittingly frosty wake.
The JCR have passed an almost unanimous motion to host a Winter Ball “to celebrate the life and memory” of the student-run bar.
It will be a fond farewell to the now defunct bar whose replacement has been described as “the place where atmosphere goes to die”.
Exclusive to the Hertford JCR, the Ball will be called “The Last Pango” as a tribute to the former Bar’s vodka-based signature drink, the “Pango”.
Former bar manager Ollie Stephenson and Treasurer Noah Thorold have been mandated to organise The Last Pango.
According to minutes from an emergency JCR meeting held on Sunday of 1st Week, the Ball will be part-funded by remaining profits from the student bar totalling nearly £11,000.
Proposing the motion, Stephenson wanted the JCR to supply a similar figure in order to heavily subsidise the Ball. This would have allowed for ticket costs as low as £20 each.
An anonymous Hertford finalist said that the actual sum donated by the JCR was closer to half of this.
Hertford’s bar was controversially privatised last term by college officials who wanted “to ensure that the bar offers a welcoming environment” for all students.
Third-year student Christina Head said that price increases have driven people out of the bar. “On Wednesday of Freshers’ Week the Bar took £200, when it would normally make £1500”, Head said.
Prices have risen to the extent that a double and mixer can cost as much as £4 compared to the price in other student run bars such as St Hilda’s which is £3.
Noah Thorold seconded the motion to commemorate the life of student-run bar.
He said that relations between the SCR and JCR were frosty.
“I would not call the relationship good”, Thorold said. “Indeed I think the most accurate description would be: fucking terrible”.
Thorold hoped that the SCR “would not begrudge their students a Ball”.
The venue and ticket prices for The Last Pango have not yet been negotiated.
The JCR meeting minutes say that a ball would be the most appropriate way to give the old bar “a fantastic sending-off”.
Describing the new privatised bar, Thorold said: “It looks like IKEA and is depressingly sanitised, overpriced, overlit, and hospital-esque.”
Both Thorold and Head were keen to emphasise that The Last Pango is an all-inclusive event, in no way connected to the Penguins drinking society.
“Given that the bar was enjoyed by so many students,” said Thorold, “we felt the remaining profits should be put to the same end”.