I say, I say, I say, my Oxford theatre scene has no nose. How does it smell? Like a terrible dog. I think. Wait, that’s not right, let me, um… What were we doing again? Yes, coming to you from the depths of sleep deprivation and possibly a pit of some sort, it’s Thespionage! Yaaay!
I had originally planned to start off by taking the piss out of The Shape of Things, but I can’t find anything desperately mockable about it. No live lobsters, no insanely large production team, not even a particularly pun-able name. Are there any amusing shapes? Trapezoids are funny, right? What the fuck is a trapezoid? Anyway, get your act together, people! I want amusing anecdotes! For now, accept this made up story about Sophie King snorting cocaine off twenty-five hookers: she has one for every hour of the day and one spare. Just in case.
Well, some genuine stuff for you. Did you know there are two Peter Pans? One of them’s just to the left of me, the other is one only the cool kids know about. The Light Entertainment Society are doing one as well, and it’s a pantomime. An awful, awful pantomime.
Full disclosure, I’m actually in this one. As what, you ask? Hook? Peter? A particularly beardy Tinkerbell? NO! I’m pirate number 7, and I haven’t had this much fun in ages.
I have a question about the serious one, though. They want us to come in pyjamas, apparently. Fine. But my thought is? How does one get there? It’s a very cold season, at the moment, and unless everyone has arctic PJs (they’re made of yeti) then they’re going to have to get changed there. Are there changing rooms, or do we just strip off in the theatre? Oh, and is it pyjamas specifically, or just any nightwear? Because I sleep naked and sit in the front row. Enjoy.
Anyway, I leave it to you, good people: if you want childlike glees, acrobatics and probably pretty good acting, check out the serious one. If you want dodgy props, ignored scripts, inappropriate pelvic thrusting and puns that will most likely cause a great deal of physical pain, check out the OULES one.
Actually, you know what? Go see the other one, because I think they’d be quite sad if they didn’t get an audience. As for us, I guarantee that whether you turn up or not, we’ll be having the time of our lives.