Corpus tortoises celebrate engagement

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Corpus Christi College announced  this week the engagement of the College tortoises, Oldham and Fox.

The wedding date is set for 29th April (Friday of 0th week of Trinity) and is to correspond with the marriage of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

The announcement was made, to the music of ‘Here Comes the Bride’, at the end of last week’s JCR meeting. Oldham and Fox, who have both been the JCR’s pets for six years, will marry in the grounds of the College before returning to live in the President’s Garden. A wedding committee of Corpus JCR members has been formed to plan the event.

The ceremony will be “quite intimate, in the garden”, said Corpus JCR president Jack Evans. According to Evans, guests that have been invited include Martin Sheen, Ian McKellen and Cher. “Currently the committee are playing around with the idea of lettuce confetti, and inviting the other tortoises in Oxford as bridesmaids, pageboys, and best men,” said JCR Vice-President Sophie Cass.

“Last term the college got a bit angsty about certain issues like the VP resigning,” Evans said. He said hesees the ceremony as a way of bringing the College closer together. Cass agreed, saying that the event “will be an opportunity for the whole College to get together and celebrate both the union of our beloved tortoises and the royal wedding that the rest of the country will primarily be preoccupied with”.

She added: “Naturally, it goes without saying that everything will be done in the best interests of our tortoises, and we plan to give them a very pleasant day that we will all remember for a long time to come.”

The College’s LGBTQ rep, Maisie Lawrence, commented on the tortoises’ gender: “Wonderful news. You don’t see enough gay tortoise marriage these days. Perhaps this will persuade the Christ Church crocodiles to finally come out of the closet? I live in hope.”

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