The Malcontent On: Twitter

Ever felt out of touch? At the tender age of 19, I can proudly say that technology has overtaken me; namely Twitter. I don’t really understand it. Therefore it falls to me to write possibly the first ever anti-Twitter article in national media history. Read on!

To say ‘Twitter’ has been in the news recently would be a massive understatement. Apparently Twitter drove the Arab Spring, found Osama and more importantly unmasked that dirty dog, Ryan Giggs. Forgive me for being slightly suspicious. For a start, aren’t most people in the middle-east poor, (the whole reason they were rebelling) and therefore unable to own a computer? And yes, there are internet cafes, but you wouldn’t calmly sit in one typing ‘there’s an atrocity occurring outside…lol’. Nor has Twitter ushered in a golden age of free speech, regarding super-injunctions, as a Council has already been able to force it to reveal a user’s identity. The term ‘delusions of grandeur’ comes to mind.

Thus we come to the much vaunted ‘twitterati’. This legendary group of bright young things will apparently already define our tastes, ambitions and gossip. Forgive me for chundering everywhere. The possession of a Twitter account doesn’t necessarily equate with wisdom. Why you or I should take advice from some bored desk monkey with nothing else to do but watch RudeTube, or eat Cadbury Cream eggs, I can’t imagine. Aren’t we allowed a voice? And by this I mean actually speaking, like what people did back in the day. As with all groups of people some will rise to the top. It just seems with Twitter that the wrong people have risen. Many of them (excuse my French) are at risk of disappearing up their own arse.

I’ve been assured the main draw of Twitter is to get close to the innermost thoughts of our leading lights. As their follower you could be among the first to hear of their new baby, career ambitions or the type of cereal they ate this morning. I know plenty of people who love this type of thing, and it’s good for them. It’s the celebrities I’m worried about. You take a perfectly reasonable person like Stephen Fry, put him on Twitter, and suddenly he becomes a raving lunatic. After calling an innocent Tab student a ‘cynical ignorant f***’ he went on to suggest (admittedly out of Twitter) that women don’t enjoy sex, a theory this (male) writer believes he has personally discredited in his time.

I hope Twitter is just a passing phase, like hair lice, or MySpace, and it’ll go away eventually. Call me old fashioned, but can’t we chat to our friends on Facebook, read about our celeb icons in Heat, and get our news from, well, the news? I feel like I’m prematurely aging towards a life of ignorance, confusion and Werther’s Originals. And all because of Twitter.

Sam Richardson

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