Most of us know that the most efficient way to kill any social event is to make sure itâs sufficiently over-hyped. As far as the title for âMost Laughably Over-Hyped Social Eventâ goes, Freshersâ Week is reigning champion, standing proud at No.1, above New Yearâs Eve, Glastonbury, and your birthday. So over-hyped, that it spends a large proportion of its time vomiting excess hype into its sink and cupboards.
The âOFFICIAL FRESHERS WEEK 2011â Facebook group are calling it âHUGEâ, the âcraziest week in the worldâ, a week, indeed, of âmayhemâ. Oxford students embrace the fact that for most (unless you want to go to a pyjama party in your JCR), Freshersâ week is mainly about getting off your face, but the association between getting unsociably drunk and being a little bit âwildâ escapes me.
Letâs not dress up what is essentially a week of poisoning your body, free of the inhibitions which under normal circumstances prevent you from making a twat of yourself in front of people youâve just met. Besides, however you spend 0th week, you still wonât be immune from all the shit jokes about Oxford students drinking tea and living it up in the library. Thereâs no shame in accepting that our Freshersâ is âuniqueâ. It might be just as sweaty, loud and awkward as elsewhere, but what other university would make you spend one of your first evenings in an ancient, candle-lit hall trying to explain the concept of a traffic light party to your tutor.
It wouldnât be so bad if Freshersâ was really about establishing your new mates. But youâll invariably end up thinking âwhat have I done?â, when you find yourself in the company of some saddo whoâs taken it all as a transparent opportunity to re-invent themselves. This is just your year – you might even grow to like them – but the second year will not fail to be irritate the hell out of you by persistently sharking anyone remotely attractive, or by giving you with a nickname like âfat fresherâ.
Of course, they donât tell you this before you go as youâve applied to a university which has a vendetta against fun. We believe the hype before we go, and thatâs because it doesnât actually matter whether youâve enjoyed Freshersâ week or not, as long as youâve pretended well enough. This is why we have Facebook. We spend September of year 13 looking wistfully at albums named âDOWN IT FREASHAâ , filled with pictures of people in the year above licking strangersâ faces in luminous fancy dress, and thus the cycle of over-hype is perpetuated.
Harriet Lowes
PHOTO/Walking plaster dispenser
