Quoth the Master: A narcissist abroad

Day 0: David Townsend isn’t the only weird-but-sexy OUSU hack who has to make tough decisions in the near future. As I write this, I’m preparing for a short break to Greece, and I face some difficult packing choices. Such is the daily toil of the bourgeois everyman. My first problem is that I need to travel light, in case I encounter wild hydras or roaming gangs of the disenfranchised. But that means no Xbox, and QED no Skyrim on holiday: which kind of defeats the whole point of a holiday abroad. My second problem is currency. Should I bring euros? Drachmas? Cattle to barter with? Livestock would definitely get me fined at the airport for excess luggage weight; but at least a cow or two could be offered to Greece’s Europede insect overlords, if they demand a blood sacrifice. I hope they don’t.

Day 1: The airport isn’t on strike, which is a start. I’m feeling positive about this break. A middle-aged man at the airport asks me if I speak English, and whether I know where the toilets are. I punch him in the face.

Day 2: The Acropolis is on strike. The museum is however open, so we get a nice view of the Acropolis on a hill in the distance, and get to watch an interesting documentary about the Acropolis. The museum is packed with my two favourite historical items: pots and columns. One particular pot even had a picture of a column on it, which I was particularly excited about.

Day 3: Delphi is on strike. Lucky there are some columns just outside the place for me to occupy myself with. We phoned up the museum staff a week ago and they assured us there would be no strike. Weird that they didn’t see it coming (wheeeeey).

Day 4: Wild Boar with Onions is on strike. I have to settle with beef. This been a fun holiday overall, but it hasn’t all been strikes and sunshine: as an astute amateur anthropologist, I have made several observations, which I believe shed a piercing light onto the current Greek debt crisis. The biggest surprise, I must say, is that olives and feta cheese aren’t middle-class in Athens at all: they are eaten by virtually everyone. Which is ridiculous. No wonder their economy is spiralling into a debt crisis! There’s only so much more of this wanton spending the rest of Europe will take. If Greece continues down this path, then just like my answer to the questions “Who wrote Gulliver’s Travels, and what did you think of the novel?”, Germany’s response will be swift and terrible.

-Alexander Shattock