New College tries to get lucky with Lotto

College News News

This past Sunday a large majority of New College JCR passed a motion to start playing the lottery, on the basis that “If we won the lottery we would have lots of money”.

JCR president Oscar Lee said: “we agreed any winnings under £10,000 would go to the JCR, and any sums above £10,000 would be split 50:50 between the JCR and students”

According to JCR Vice-President Louie Dane who proposed the motion: “I originally put in for a 70:30 split of any jackpot winning but this was successfully amended by my housemate; the famously selfish, ego-centric and callous Edd Hermes to give students a larger slice of the pie at 50:50”.

He continued: “There wasn’t any real opposition to the motion other than internally from one particularly sourpuss-like member of the JCR committee worried by the suggestion that he might be personally mandated to walk to the shop to buy the ticket every week.”

“One legitimate concern was raised that none of the money would automatically go to charity. To this I argued that it would be more democratic to allow the JCR to decide how much to give away as and when we win the jackpot. Personally I certainly hope and expect that a significant proportion would indeed go to charity as opposed to students’ pockets and thus, indirectly though inevitably, to Toby ‘Beers’ Baker.”

Dane stated how he chose the numbers to be played as 13, 7, 9, 14, 5 and 23, “because that’s the college’s founding date (1379) and I wanted to spell ‘NEW’”, adding, “If, however, the numbers 1, 37 and 9 all come up alongside 14, 5 and 23 then I hereby promise to resign as JCR Vice-President”.

According to Lottery.co.uk website, only 23 is in the top six most commonly drawn lottery balls. 14 is one of the least commonly picked.

Figures from GamCare UK show that four percent of 16-24 year olds who gambled last year may be developing gambling problems.

A failed amendment was also suggested by JCR Bar rep Ollie Coombe for any winnings to be used to move the New College mound back by one metre on the basis that this “would transform the aesthetics of the entire college, even areas not in view of the mound”, and “would have potentially have caused a dramatic improvement in students’ academic results”.

“Unfortunately, the JCR was unable to recognize a true prophet,” he added.