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Hollywood may have had the Oscars, replete with red carpet, designer dresses and superstars so A-list they’re thinking of creating a new letter, but this week Cambridge news has focused on some Big Names closer to home. To ensure they don’t feel left out from the whole glitz/glam/gold statuette thing, this column will dole out a few gongs of its own. Yes ladies and gents, welcome to The Tabs (in association with The Oxford Student).

First up, the lifetime achievement award. According to tradition, this goes to someone old and really famous who has done something notable recently and he (always a he) is thus rewarded for his whole life. So without further ado, the lifetime achievement award for sex scandals goes to (drumroll…) Cambridge Professor Stephen Hawking.  Yes, the wheelchair bound, septuagenarian, theoretical-physicist extraordinaire is rumoured to have visited a Californian sex club. The Daily Record on Tuesday quoted a source saying “I have seen Stephen Hawking at the club more than a handful of times. He arrives with an entourage of nurses and assistants.” Boringly, the allegations are strongly refuted by his PA and the Cambridge University Press Office

From the world famous, to someone whose celebrity needs slightly more explanation. Charlie Lyons has sent a recorded message thanking us for his Tab for Best Supporting Actor. Now graduated Charlie first reached fame presenting rival newspaper Varsity’s television programme ‘Cindies Stories’, which involved the floppy haired, plummy-toned Lyons asking drunk people outside Cambridge club Cindies banal questions, mostly involving what flavour VK (alcopop) they had drunk, and whether they had pulled. And he’s back. Mr Lyons is now to be seen in an advert for Kia Motors, which sponsors ITV’s Take Me Out. Wearing a cravat, he leans into the window of a car driven by a young woman and pulls out the foolproof chat-up line “I’m not really this tall, I’m just sitting on my wallet.” And he’s standing. He wins the prize for supporting actor because the star of the show, as it always has been, is his wonderfully floppy hair.

Embarrassingly, given that CUSU elections are… soon (?), the prize winner of Best Publicity Campaign isn’t CUSU related. This year the honour goes to Les Menuires 7, a group of ski-holiday workers including Cambridge grad Aanya Madhani, who barricaded themselves into a ski chalet in Les Menuires, France, when their employer told them they would not be paid. In a few short days they had 5,000 Facebook group members, 600 Twitter followers, made the Daily Mail, the Independent and the Telegraph, and a photo-shopped photo convinced the Les Menuires Mayor that there was an ‘Occupy’ encampment outside the chalet. Oh and they got paid.

So that’s all the Tabs for this year, thank you for being here, I hope you enjoy the after party that is the rest of your week.

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