Boat race halted by “crazed Marxist”


The Oxbridge Boat Race ground to a halt today after a young activist swam into the path of the athletes.

Thames Strategy Co-ordinator Trenton Oldfield, who is believed to be the saboteur, attempted to block the boats as an “act of civil disobedience”, forcing officials to restart the prestigious race from scratch.

It is the first time the Boat Race has been restarted in eleven years, and the first time the race has ever been disrupted by a swimmer.

A Marxist blog, believed to be Oldfield’s manifesto, states: “This is a protest, an act of civil disobedience, a methodology of refusing and resistance. This act has employed guerrilla tactics. I am swimming into the boats in the hope I can stop them from completing the race and proposing the return of surprise tactics.”

It continues: “This is ‘peaceful’ … I have no weapons (don’t shoot!) My only fear is not swimming fast enough to get in the right position to prevent the boats.”

The blog also encourages the public to engage in acts of civil disobedience, to bring down the “elitist” ruling classes of the United Kingdom.

The mysterious swimmer was apprehended by police shortly after leaving the water.

The Metropolitan police confirmed to the Daily Mail that “a man was arrested on suspicion of a public order offence and is currently in custody at a West London police station.”

Oxford University Boat Race Captain Karl Hudspith later tweeted: ” Finally to Tristan Oldfield: My team went through seven months of hell, this was the culmination of our careers and you took it from us.”

Cambridge went on to win the Boat Race, prompting outrage from Oxford students.

One finalist was “perturbed” by the outcome, which he deemed “unfair.”

“They gave Cambridge a bit of extra lee-way when they restarted [the race] and our team lost the psychological advantage,” he said.

“If that crazed Marxist hadn’t been flopping around in the water, we might have won.”



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