No surprise there – Oxford’s sex woes

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By Matt Stokes

For most students sex education classes are a distant memory we’d rather forget. But an annual survey suggests they might have actually worked, revealing that the student population is getting more responsible (or frigid) by the year.

The survey, run by the Studentbeans website, suggests the average Oxford student last year had had 5.6 sexual partners since joining the university. This year the number was only 3.44, a 39 percent fall. 

And Oxford’s sexual prowess is just as average this year as it was in 2011. The university fell from 32nd place to 51st, but the number of universities surveyed rose from 61 to 101. This means that Oxford remained almost exactly at the halfway point two years running.

Meanwhile, it seems as if the Tabs have found a new aphrodisiac, with the average student at Cambridge now having had 4.62 sexual partners, up 25 percent on last year. The university has shot up (literally) 39 places to number 17.

The data also suggests that students nationally have calmed their sexual urges. Taking only the universities present in both the 2011 and 2012 surveys, the average number of partners has fallen 39 percent from 5.82 to 3.57.

Bangor topped the table this year with 8.31 partners; impressive, but significantly less than last year’s top dogs at Glamorgan with 10.9 partners. And as if to prove that vajazzling and looking reem aren’t The Only Way, the University of Essex lingers at the bottom with 1.15 partners per person.

Agony Lad, The Oxford Student’s resident Casanova, said: “I’ve long known about ‘bang’-or, but I have some issues with the methodology of this study; do they take into account hand-jobs in Park End, quickies in the library, or the constant eye-f***ing that goes on in tutorials? Studentbeans can suck on my bod-card.”

However, the differences between 2011 and this year may be due more to the methods of surveying than to any real differences in students’ sex lives. Studentbeans.com surveyed 4,656 students, which works out at less than 50 students per university.

Oxford has almost 12,000 undergraduates, while Manchester, the country’s largest university, has over 28,000. This might explain why Bangor rose by 56 places and Swansea by 48, while Dundee fell a massive 75 places.

One PPE student, who asked to remain anonymous, said: “Not really a great survey. I wonder what would happen if we applied the statistics that we’re studying in quantitative economics at the moment to see if they’re ‘statistically relevant’.”