Easton Ellis vents fury at 50 Shades film

Unless you’ve been living in a remote area of the Amazon, or have strictly Mormon views on novels of a sexual nature, you’ll know Fifty Shades of Grey. The so called ‘mummy porn,’ or rather public transport-friendly S&M manual, is currently the fastest selling paperback, ever, and it’s now set to be bringing bondage and submission to a cinema screen near you.

E. L. James, the perpetrator of this wave of sexual liberation, has signed a deal with Universal Pictures and Focus Features to adapt the unorthodox romance into a full-length film. Now the question remains: how to convert private erotica into a movie you won’t have to view online, on websites that require a subscription. Already fans are suggesting Matt Bomer or Alex Skarsgeld to play Christian, the mysterious, emotionally damaged and sexually controlling protagonist (sounding very much like a Mr. Rochester of the internet age). Indeed, most of the numerous and ever multiplying internet polls furiously debating over who should embody him have united in their desire to see Matt Bomer donning leather and wielding a studded paddle. Unsurprisingly, Mila Kunis, recently crowned ‘Sexiest Woman of the Year’ is rumoured to be in line for the role of Anastasia Steele, the innocent student of literature, seduced by Christian’s smouldering charm.

However, the most interesting development so far is the tussle over who will write the script. After a knuckle-bitingly fraught contest for the position, everyone’s favourite erotica authoress has finally made her decision, and Kelly Marcel (Terra Nova) has beaten Bret Easton Ellis of American Psycho fame. This news has prompted some mixed reactions, but none more so that the snubbed Easton Ellis himself, who tweeted: ‘Kelly Marcel?!? KELLY MARCEL?!? Kelly Marcel is WRITING the script for “Fifty Shades of Grey”?!? THIS is the movie they want to make? ARGH.’ The notoriously forthright author was decidedly vocal in his campaign to pen the film adaptation, but an alliance of American Psycho sex and the more palatable Fifty Shades of Grey will probably not appeal to married middle aged women (reportedly the books’ main fanbase).

Could it be that the nation’s new favourite book, originally written as Twilight fan-fiction, will enjoy the same cinematic success as its inspiration? Looking at its popularity, it’s hard to think otherwise, but it could just be that the public want to keep their private erotica, well, private. And there is a need for a more prominent and developed plot, as otherwise the film could just turn into a porno. That probably sounds great to the dedicated core of Fifty Shades fans, but whether they would actually venture to the cinema for that experience is an entirely different matter.

In the meantime, anyone eager for a more complete Fifty Shades experience should look out for Fifty Shades of Grey- the classical album. The compilation aims to ‘provide the perfect accompaniment to the Fifty Shades reading experience, setting a mysterious and alluring atmosphere with just the slightest hint of danger…’ Three novels, a classical album and soon a film: it seems that the Fifty Shades invasion has only just begun.